If one orgasm is difficult for some, having two or more is tougher for just about everyone.
After you’ve ‘taken the edge off’, our nerve endings become desensitized. We’re often emotionally satisfied and our bodies start flooding with hormones designed to make us believe once is enough. You might want to have sex all night long but your body probably doesn’t (there are reasons it floods with beddy-bye hormones rather than let’s go again).
Before we go any further with the whole concept of multiple orgasms, let’s be absolutely clear on what that term means.
By ‘multiple’ most people mean ‘sequential’ – which basically means you clock up more than one orgasm in one sex session, rather than have orgasms that follow on mere seconds after each other.
And there’s more than one type…
WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?
For men, let’s start with a non-ejaculatory orgasm.
(Think Sting and Tantric sex rather than an enthusiastic 18-year-old, able to perform three times in one session with a mere 10 minutes between orgasms.)
The NEO is when a man experiences orgasm in his brain but inhibits ejaculation, using his PC muscle and/or other techniques to retain his erection. (We feel an orgasm in our brain, ejaculation of semen is a separate process: you can have one without the other.)
Another way a man can have multiple orgasms is via multiple-ejaculation. (Now think 18-year-old). He has several orgasms in a row, all accompanied by full or partial ejaculation.
Some men lose their erection fully each time, others maintain it.
In this case, it’s usual for the first orgasm to be the most intense (though masters of non-ejaculatory orgasms claim each and every climax is as intense as the last).
For women, a multiple can mean one, super-long, uber-orgasm – or lots of orgasms in the one sex session.
Because women don’t fall to the post-orgasm resolution phase as quickly as a man does, it’s easier for us to climb back up and have further orgasms in succession.
But just as lots of couples don’t bother trying to have simultaneous orgasms, multiple orgasms don’t appeal to everyone either.
For one, there’s the laziness factor.
Training yourself to be multi-orgasmic takes effort (‘Why not just have one big one and go to sleep?’ said a male friend of mine, perplexed why anyone would go to all that trouble.)
And not everyone wants, or has time for the long, drawn-out sex session usually necessary to produce them.
Even if you don’t think multiples are your cup of tea though, doing the following should result in a better quality of orgasm’s generally.
HOW HE CAN HAVE MULTIPLES
Use different stimulation for each orgasm
If you’re aiming for the (ultimately easier) option of having several orgasms with ejaculation per session, the trick is to have them via different means.
If you have your first via intercourse, you’ve got more chance having another through oral sex than through more penetrative sex.
A third might be achievable through you masturbating yourself – it’s going to be the hardest to have, so call in the expert (you).
Take your time
Men are no different to women when it comes to orgasm intensity: the longer the action, the stronger the reaction.
There’s good evidence the strength of your orgasm, like hers, depends on the length of foreplay and other erotic stimulation involved. While you can both masturbate to orgasm in a few minutes (you through masturbation, her with a vibrator), it feels more satisfying when you’ve hovered at the ‘plateau’ stage (the stage after arousal and before orgasm).
Know what you’re aiming for
If you’re going for gold, this is the basic premise you need to absorb for non-ejaculatory orgasms.
As I mentioned earlier, orgasm and ejaculation might go together like strawberries and cream but they are in fact two separate processes.
An orgasm is something you feel in your brain, an ejaculation is physical: your body pumping out semen through a series of contractions.
Men who have non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms have mastered the ability of having an orgasm in their head, without ejaculating and losing their erection in the process. You might display all the usual outward signs of orgasm – twitching, groaning, that weird ‘orgasm face’ your partner’s grown to love – but your penis stays hard and you’re able to go again (and sometimes again and again).
How do these men do it?
Here’s the bad news: it’s difficult and requires time, effort, discipline and bucket loads of motivation.
Why bother? Quite apart from impressing the hell out of her, multi-orgasmic men say if you train yourself well, orgasms can be felt throughout the entire body rather than being penile centric.
While the average bloke is usually completely and utterly knackered after a mere two ejaculations, a multi-orgasmic man feels energized, bounding into the kitchen to fix a nice bean-sprout and tofu salad, after six.
(If you’re deadly serious about this, I would strongly recommend researching spiritual or tantric sex – this is where you’ll find lots of information about how to achieve an NEO.)
HOW SHE CAN HAVE MULTIPLES
Use different stimulation for each orgasm
As for him (see above, you’ve got more chance of having more than one orgasm if it’s via a different means.
How you breathe is important. Some experts say holding your breath on orgasm heightens the sensation, others say if you starve your brain of oxygen, it forces oxygen-giving blood to flow toward it and away from your genitals.
Continuing to breathe deeply through orgasm is recommended by spiritual sex devotees who claim it means you’re more likely to be able to have a second one.
While yet more experts say if you want to feel your orgasm over a wider area, start with regular deep breaths and then start panting just before orgasm.
Who’s right? It’s about what works for you, so give them all a try!
Know what you’re aiming for
As much as most orgasms follow a similar pattern, they vary enough between individuals for some experts to claim we each have our very own ‘orgasm fingerprint’.
One theory about female orgasm says there are two distinct nerves responsible for the two different ‘basic’ orgasms (clitoral and front wall). The pudendal nerve goes to the clitoris and the pelvic nerve goes to the vagina and uterus. Because the pudendal has more nerve endings, this could be why women have more clitoral than vaginal orgasms.
The two nerves actually overlap in the spinal cord – which may explain why women are able to have ‘blended’ orgasms (clitoral and front wall simultaneously).
Several factors seem to influence whether women have both multiple and vaginal orgasms: the strength of their PC muscles, the sensitivity of their G spots and other internal spots, motivation to keep trying different stimulation and orgasm triggers.
As a general rule, the more ways you’re able to orgasm (via masturbation, oral, front wall etc), the more likely you are to have multiple orgasms.
Get into training
First up, do your ‘kegels’: The PC muscle supports the pelvic floor and ‘spasms’ during orgasm. Like the rest of your body, if it’s toned and fit, it works better – pumping even more blood to the pelvis (great for arousal) and making stronger contractions (giving longer, more intense orgasms). Which means – and I apologise for this – on top of you need to add kegel workouts to your ‘to do’ list.
Happily, these take mere minutes rather than hours and you can do them anywhere. Simply squeeze the muscle you use to hold back urine, hold it for two seconds, then release. Do this 20 times, three times per day.
Practise ‘peaking’ techniques
Peaking involves taking yourself almost to the point of orgasm, waiting for your arousal to subside, then climbing back up again. This trains you to stay in a high state of excitement, following a ‘wave-like’ orgasm pattern, rather than one which starts at the bottom and steadily climbs higher. Not only does this optimize the release of endorphins (hormones that make us feel fabulous), it teaches your body to stay in a seemingly never-ending orgasmic pleasure zone, able to orgasm over and over.
Deliberately develop orgasm triggers
The more your brain travels a certain path neurologically, the more effortless it becomes. Curving your lips upward lets your brain know you’re happy, triggering the release of serotonin, a hormone which makes you feel happy as well as look it. The more signposts of impending orgasm your brain can recognize, the easier it will trigger the orgasmic response.
Focus on what you naturally do on approach to orgasm, then exaggerate it. If you breathe heavier and faster, breathe even heavier the next time you’re about to climax. If you notice you tense your toes and throw your head back, do that. Get to the point where your brain thinks ‘Aha! Deep heavy breathing combined with toe flexing means she’s about to orgasm. Better get cracking then and make it happen!’. Do this and orgasm becomes effortless and spontaneous.