• "I like sex but I worry my partner's grossed out by my body."

    Question:

    I like sex but I get distracted during it because I worry my partner's grossed out by my body. I'm not thin and during sex, I can see my tummy and thighs jiggling up and down.


    Answer:

    I suspect he is focused on your wobbly bits - your breasts, for a start, which rather pleasantly wobble up and down during sex! Listen, you won't be the first female to worry about your body during sex but there are reasons why you shouldn't.

    I'm not going to bore with the 'beauty lies within' stuff but every single survey shows while weight does matter to men initially (they'll pick the slim girl over a plumper one from photographs), once they're in a relationship, they see your 'bumps' as curves.

    A man in love really does love all of you - and perceives what you see as flaws, as signs of fabulous femininity. Stop yourself focusing on negatives by doing the following:

    Pick three things you like about your appearance. It might be your hair, your feet, your calves – it doesn't really matter what it is, just focus on that.

    Pamper yourself in that area and make the most of it. If it's your hair, indulge in expensive shampoos and conditioners. When you're having sex, focus on those areas, not the parts you dislike.

    Focus on what you're feeling, not how you're looking. Concentrate on what's happening to you, how his fingers or tongue feel on your flesh, on how he feels once inside you. Sex is about what's happening on the inside, not the outside.

    If you're really having a 'fat day', don't avoid sex, just make it sex you feel comfortable having. Put tea-lights on the floor so you're lit from below – it's far more flattering – and do it from behind.

    If you lean forward over a big stack of pillows, you feel like your wobbly bits are out of view but he gets the glorious back view. Believe me, rear entry sex, with your bottom high in the air, is one of the most flattering intercourse positions. Missionary is one of the least complimentary.

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