"Can you tell me what is the best and safest way to have anal sex?"
Can you tell me what is the best and safest way to have anal sex?
If you're the person penetrating:
Never go straight into penile penetration without having tried other stuff first (fingers, dildos, vibrators). Apply LOTS of lube to both your penis and her bottom, then rub the penis head against her opening.
Wait for the anus to relax and open and let her back onto your penis, rather than you do the penetrating.
Hold your penis at the base and wait until the head (only) penetrates. Pause until she says it's OK to go further and insert a little at a time, very, very slowly.
Once it's all in, pause again, then do slow, gentle thrusts. Angle yourself so you're aiming for her belly button, stop regularly to apply more lubrication and exit as slowly as you entered – go too fast, and the muscles will tense and spasm.
If you're on the receiving end:
The more aroused you are, the less it will hurt (though having an orgasm first can also relax you). Hold your bottom open and bear down (as though you're trying to go to the toilet) – this opens your anus. Breathe deeply, then back up to allow him to penetrate a little.
If you start to panic, try contracting your anal muscles voluntarily to give you a sense of control. Give him constant feedback on how you're feeling. It can take a few sessions before you can accept him fully, so don't feel rushed or pressured.