• "How can I get my girlfriend to open up and explore new sexual techniques?"

    Question:

    I've been with my fiancé four years and our sex life has become routine. I've suggested countless ideas to improve it but she says no to everything and that she's quite happy with the way things are (20 minutes of foreplay where she orgasms then missionary position every time).

    For me, sex is now like a chore. How do I get her to open up and be willing to explore new things?


    Answer:

    Some people feel insecure if they're asked to try something new. They think: 'Why am I not enough anymore?' or 'Does this mean they don't enjoy 'normal' sex?'.

    The natural inclination when threatened is to say no but when she does say no to your requests, she's left feeling prudish and deeply unsexy. And even less adventurous next time around.

    Is she inexperienced? If she is, she might be saying no for fear of not knowing what to do or making a fool of herself.

    The first thing to do is let her know you find her incredibly sexy and the reason why you want to try new things has nothing to do with you losing desire for her. Then take baby steps. Suggest something that's just slightly different than what you do now – sex in another room, for instance. Or sex in the shower.

    Instead of suggesting it, do it. Lead her by the hand into another room or jump in the shower with her. Load on the compliments during the session and afterward on how much you enjoyed making love that way. This will build her confidence so she'll have less of a kneejerk reaction to the more 'kinky' stuff.

    Also remember, just because something turns you on, doesn't mean it's going to make her shudder with delight: One person's wet dream is another's wet blanket.

    Tracey Cox Dare - What Happens When Fantasies Come True

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