• "My boyfriend says he has a low sex drive but he masturbates a lot. What can I do?"

    Question:

    My boyfriend says he has a low sex drive but he masturbates a lot and it makes me feel like I pressure him into having sex sometimes even though he says I don't.

    How can I fix this? Should I just wait and let him come to me?

    He is five years older (I am 24 he is 29) - is it just his age? We are also in a long distance relationship just to complicate matters.


    Answer:

    He's probably used to taking care of himself when apart from you by masturbating and has fallen into the habit of doing it regularly.

    Some men don't think of masturbating as 'sex', so he may not equate being aroused enough to want to give himself an orgasm as evidence of a sex drive. It is, of course. (His sex drive won't have fallen because of his age. At 29, it should still be healthily high!)

    If he's choosing to masturbate rather than have sex with you, it could be because the sex you have isn't satisfying - in which case, you need to talk about how to spice things up - or it could simply be because he's lazy.

    It's a lot less effort to DIY than it is do it with a partner, because you also have to pleasure them.

    I'd have an honest discussion with him and say you feel that you're the one who always initiates sex. What would it take for him to be the one to suggest it sometimes?

    How does he feel about quickies? It may be he'd like the odd fast sex session if he's not got the energy for more.

    Does he enjoy your sex sessions? Is there anything he'd like to try? Make sure you have the discussion in a nice, light fashion so he doesn't feel that you're chiding him for not having a high sex drive and you might be surprised what results you get.

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