• "I want to use sex toys with my partner but he's not keen. What can I do?"


    I have been with my partner for 4 years and I really want to try using sex toys and I have mentioned this to him.

    He was really keen at first and then he started to be put off the idea and said to me 'Why do you want to use something anyway?'. Because of this I have not bought any toys but I really want to.

    I have not mentioned this to him again because of what he said about it and it hurt my feelings. I just thought it would spice things up in the bedroom. What can I do?


    I suspect he was keen when you mentioned sex toys as a concept and perhaps went off the idea if you narrowed it down to suggesting a vibrator or a dildo.

    Lots of guys feel threatened by them simply because they think it means they're not big enough or aren't satisfying you. The reality is, sadly, a vibrator is nearly always going to be quicker and, often, a lot more effective at making a woman orgasm than a guy.

    That's tough to swallow (if you'll pardon the pun). The trick to getting him on side is to start with some relatively non-threatening sex toys, like some cute bondage ties and a blindfold. Or even some lick-off body paint. Both of these are couple toys rather than serious competitors to him.

    Also explain that the reason you are suggesting it is simply to try something new, not because you aren't happy with the sex you're having.

    When he's comfortable with those, suggest some small, non-phallic shaped vibrators and use them on him (his perineum, his nipples, his testicles) before getting him to use them on you.

    And do both of you a favour and try really hard not to orgasm within five seconds flat when he does!

    Heat up your sex life

    Comments (1)

    • Tom: May 04, 2009 19:36
      There are the benefits of having much better chances of near simultaneous orgasm, and for him to have sex with you as you're climaxing - maybe showing him the benefits slowly, and taking your time will help? I'd imagine a lot of guys initially are fearful that they're being replaced/being made redundant/made inferior to a piece of plastic/metal/glass/leather.. Keeping the close intimate bond between you will help, as you explore.
      Show him that him being able to get you off in different ways, and try new things with him is good for him, for you and for both of you. There's always the option to drive him wild, (nearly) get him off, and then see if he's more up for it in this heightened state!
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