• "I've been a cross dresser for years. My wife doesn't know - how can I tell her about this?"


    I am a cross-dresser and have been doing it privately for years. My wife has never suspected and as much as I'd like to tell her, I've never been game to.

    Recently, she found some underwear that I'd bought for myself on the internet in the washing. She's questioned me about it and I think now thinks I'm having an affair.

    I don't know what is worse - her thinking I'm having an affair or finding out that I'm a cross-dresser. What should I do?


    Cross-dressing - men wanting to wear women's clothes (often underwear) for sexual pleasure - has been around forever but just starting to be talked about because a few 'men's men' confessed to doing it.

    75% of cross-dressers are heterosexual and it's only really considered a problem if you can't get aroused without it - or you've told your partner and they can't handle it.

    To be honest, I don't know any women who wouldn't be a little perturbed by their husband admitting to nicking her silk knickers and tights. But thinking your husband is having an affair is worse in my books. So I think you should tell her what's going on but be aware, she may react badly to begin with.

    You have nothing to be ashamed of but it will come as a shock because no-one talks about it and she will probably instantly jump to the conclusion that you are gay. That's the first reassurance to give her.

    If you have any good books about it or literature (there's lots on the net if you google 'cross-dressing', just wade through all the clothing sites and you'll see there are some good psychological articles on it), bring them and give them to her to read so she has instant, non-judgemental information at hand.

    Start by telling her the reason why you want her to know and explain why you've previously kept it secret. Expect her to be shocked and be prepared to talk about when it all started and what satisfaction you get from it. Be prepared for anger, lots of questions and give her time to try to understand.

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (2)

    • jenna: June 01, 2009 21:23
      i dont think your wife will be angry as such just more surprised than anything. just let her know that nothing has changed its just part of who you are and something that makes you happy and that you enjoy. if she loves you as she has done all these years she will understand that. just assure her that you love her the same as you always have and you are still the same person you've always been and im sure she'll be just relieved your not cheating! plus if your lucky this could be something she'd be happy to introduce into the bedroom for the future!!
      Good luck x x x x (-=
    • manchester_cd: September 20, 2009 09:07
      Having been in a similar situation, I would tell you that it is likely to change your relationship forever.

      Many women seem to associate cross-dressing with being gay, but like any other sample of society there are those who are and those who aren't. Think about what you have to say and then think it over some more.

      My situation was that once I told my wife, she started to see me as "less of a man" - which of course I wasn't, I just had enjoyed dressing in sexy clothing and underwear for years, even before I met her or had any relationships at all. Despite me explaining it fully, she made up her own mind and eventually there were the inevitable affairs and marital break-up.

      Eventually I found a new girlfriend and introduced her to the idea of stockings and other materials being fetishy and sexy and took it from there. She still thought I was gay though!!

      She is still coming to terms with it, but trust me when I say that the true way to sell it is that once a woman accepts it in the relationship, you'll think more than twice about leaving her, as the support and understanding aspects of crossdressing are very important.

      Hope this helps,

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