• "My boyfriend wants to have a stripper at his bachelor party. Should I let him?"

    Question:

    My boyfriend said that before we get married he wants a bachelor party and that he will be having a stripper.

    He said that the stripper is just to make the party a good one for everyone else there, but if that were the case then surely he wouldn't be insisting on it as if it's really important to him?

    I told him I don't want him to have a stripper, but he just goes on about "tradition" and "having a good party". And I know he's not bothered about tradition because he's not even bothered about having a traditional wedding!

    He wants a small registry office one to get it done. Am I right to be concerned about him wanting a stripper, and should I stand my ground and tell him there's no way he's having one?


    Answer:

    Interesting how people want 'tradition' when it suits them but dismiss it as a load of bollocks when it doesn't. I'm with you in the unfairness of it all - your fiancé is wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

    Having said that, I still don't think you should ban him having a stripper at the party. In most cases, it is just a bit of a laugh rather than the sexfest you're imagining. That's not to say, however, that things can - and do - get out of hand. The combination of dozens of pints of lager and a naked woman gyrating in front of him can be dangerous if he's not imminently trustworthy.

    Do you trust him to behave when put in that situation? If you do, then go along with it but spell out very careful guidelines for what you will and won't put up with. Most strippers sit the groom down and do a bit of a lapdance, often placing his hands on her breasts and bottom. It's usually done with a sense of humour and in front of all his friends.

    Are you happy for that to happen? If you're not, tell him it's OK for her to dance for him but no touching. How will you know if he's stuck by the rules? If he does misbehave, it usually does get back to the bride via one of the other lads at the stag do confessing to a girlfriend who may well decide to tell you.

    If you don't trust him to behave in that situation, it's not looking good for the marriage. He'll be invited to other stag do's where strippers will be and no doubt have the odd night out with the boys as well. It's not just this situation you need to think about.

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (3)

    • Dizzy: May 23, 2009 13:22
      Tracey seems to have spectacularly missed the point here. I don't think the objection is that this woman doesn't trust her husband to 'behave' with a stripper, but probably objects on the grounds that she finds stripping exploitative, misogynistic and generally distasteful. Therefore insisting on having a stripper at this night seems to serve as a clear indication that keeping his friends happy takes precedence over offending and upsetting his partner.
    • marie: May 28, 2009 00:14
      why shud he need yr approval strippers are a traditional way of enjoying stag do's and hen partys how do you know that yr friends haven't organised 1 for you on yr hen do??? how wud u feel then? it's all a matter of trust and if u dont trust him now u shudnt be marrying him!!
    • rachel: May 30, 2009 21:19
      This is not ment for offence but this sounds like he calls the shots i your relationship. He has a right to ejoy himself at his stag do but there are other ways of men enjoying themselves. He is blabbering on to you about 'tradition' if he can't be bothered with tradition on your wedding then why should he for his stag? These things can get out of hand but you have to ask yourself, do you trust him? If you do let him ejoy himself and have his fun but make it clear to him theres something more waiting for him at home.
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