• "Is it unusual to be a virgin at 24? My boyfriend says it is, and he's pressuring me to have sex."

    Question:

    I'm writing to ask if it's unusual to be a virgin at 24 as my current boyfriend said it's really uncommon and that if I really loved him I'd have sex with him.

    It's not that I've chose to stay a virgin its just that three years ago my last boyfriend I'd planned to sleep with cheated on me with my best friend. Obviously I wasn't going to sleep with him after that.

    I've been with my new man for two years. Ever since xmas he's been pressuring me to have sex and now says that if I don't do it with him no other man will want me as no man wants a virgin.

    Is there any truth in this or should I just have sex with my boyfriend to stop him leaving me? I'm very confused!


    Answer:

    Let me start by saying it's unusual, though nothing to be ashamed of, to be a virgin at 24. As you've explained, the circumstances make it perfectly understandable. I'd say most people have lost their virginity by 24, but I personally know both men and women who have been virgins at that age, usually due to events similar to yours.

    It's also untrue that 'no man will want you'. That's utter rubbish! The right guy will respect you for not sleeping with someone before you were ready so please don't worry about that.

    If your boyfriend were approaching this differently, I would also respect that he has a point. He's been with you for a while and probably thinks he has given you enough time to want to progress a step further towards having sex.

    But he's not gently suggesting you take it further and making you feel comfortable with the decision. He is threatening you by saying he'll leave if you don't put out and filling your head with equally as nasty threats like 'no man will want you unless you do it'.

    I don't think you should sleep with him to keep him. I think you should tell him if he loved you, he would be trying to get you to a place where having sex seemed like the most natural thing in the world. This is blackmail. If I were you, I would wait until a kinder, more considerate guy came along.

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (6)

    • Sharon: June 12, 2009 09:18
      No, it is not unusual.
      Just make sure you give your Virginity to someone you find special.

      There are lots of Men out there that would just want you to take your Virginity and they are called "Trophy Hunters".

    • kerry: June 14, 2009 00:35
      I was 3 months short of my 24th b/day when i made love for the first time with a man i thought was for life. There was no pressure and we'd been going out for over a year when we both felt comfortable to take the next step. He wasn't a virgin but he didn't pressure me into losing my virginity. I 'd say this guy isn't for you find someone who is and will treasure you and not blackmail or threaten you. Good luck and when the time is right you will know
    • kitty: June 30, 2009 02:18
      i am 23 and still a virgin. i have never been with a man long enough to feel ready to have sex, until know. problem is he dosn't believe in sex before marriage. he does like to as he words it 'explore my body' but this fustrates me because it makes me horny and want more, so i am thinging about buying a vibrator. any sugestions on a good one that won't hurt to much when i first start using it.
    • LoveHoney - Carly: June 30, 2009 09:58
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    • Max: April 30, 2010 16:05
      Personally i don't know many people who are still virgins in their 20's but i have so much more respect for you waiting till you found the right man. I was raped just after my 15th birthday, a year and a half later i ended up sleeping with a very good friend of mine, well i thought he was till he dumped me the next day for my best friend then after that didn't work out he wanted me back, obviously i said no. After what happened instead of shutting down like i did when i was raped i turned to drink and smoked heavily. I let several 'friends' touch me etc and had a one time thing with another friend. Basically i lost all control. I got with a guy just over 2 months before my 17th birthday ( at this time i was still drinking and smoking heavily, including having an accident and ended up in a&e because of it) he made it seem like he waas helping me but really he just made me feel worse. A good friend of mine who really sat and spoke to me and even though he smoked he rarely drank and made me see that i didn't need to either. A month before my birthday i broke up with my so called bf. A week before my birthday i ended up going out with my good friend. From the moment i met him we had a connection and i didn't want to do anything to wreck it. I cut down on fags to less than what he was smoking and stopped drinking everyday and started enjoying life again. We made love for the first time a month after going out but we both felt ready and it was truly romantic. My advice is to wait till to have found the person who will wait a life time for anything physical but still wants to spend a life time with you. I have been engaged nearly a year now too him and we are expecting our first child later this year. I just wish i waited till he came into my life and not done the stupid things that i did but im happy now and that's what really matters :-)
    • nymphetamine: August 18, 2010 12:29
      I am a 24 yr old female and out of my friends I am the only one who isn't a virgin. Just do what feels right to you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says, you are the one that has to live your life.
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