"Is it OK for women to suggest doing 'kinky' things in bed? My friends say that's the 'man's job'."
Is it OK for women to suggest doing 'kinky' things in bed? I always thought it was the man's job to do this but my boyfriend never comes up with anything new.
I told my best friend I was going to suggest a tie-up game and she was horrified, saying that's the 'man's job'.
Some women get very nervous suggesting saucy stuff because when they do, some men judge them. I suspect this may have happened to your friend, hence her horror at you being so 'forward'. Despite so called sexual equality, there's still a huge chasm between what men are supposed to do/like/get up to and what women are supposed to enjoy.
The same way we're judged by our number of partners, we're also unfairly judged by some men if we like 'dirty' sex. Ask most women what their favourite sexual fantasy is and they'll offer up something like "On a plane". Yeah right. I know what women's sex fantasies are because I research them for books and it ain't the old 'making love on the beach to a glorious sunset' which tops the list.
Women's fantasies are just as ribald, outrageous and kinky than most men's. It's just that we know he'd be shocked if he heard them, so we keep our mouths shut. (If you don't believe me, pick up any of Nancy Friday's fantasy books Women On Top or My Secret Garden and read one out to your mother.)
Point is, if you know you won't be judged no matter what you suggest, you'll be far more likely to suggest doing something interesting in bed. Hopefully your partner falls into this category. I definitely think you should suggest some 'tie-up'. Just be aware of all the above when you do it.