• "My new partner is still living with his ex girlfriend and I rarely see him. What should I do?"

    Question:

    My new potential partner is still living with his ex girlfriend and although I was cool with this at first, four months later it is becoming very frustrating. I am left relying on him to suggest days we can meet up and if we want to get intimate it has to be at mine.

    We live 80 miles apart so it's not easy to see each other regularly anyway but this is adding extra strain. Recently I've felt like I'm the bottom of his priority list although I'm confused as he appears to really like me. We've had one open discussion about the ex situation (which he instigated) but I'm not sure how to bring it up again without pushing him away by coming across as too demanding. Please help.


    Answer:

    I don't think it's at all demanding to talk to him about the situation and tell him it's interfering with your relationship. What is the reason he's still living with her? Is it because he's waiting to find a place to move into or for her to do the same?

    Four months is way, way enough time for either of them to make it happen. He's not being respectful to you by allowing this and you're not over-reacting about it. I don't know one person who would be particularly comfortable with this situation.

    Tell him you want to talk about it, speak calmly and simply tell him why it worries you. You did a great job in your letter to me so simply put forward the same reasons: it's inconvenient, doesn't make you feel important in his eyes and is putting a strain on a relationship that's already under pressure because it's long distance.

    It could be he thinks you don't mind and is just being lazy about moving out or getting her to move out. Once you've said your piece, see what he has to say. He may well offer to sort it out immediately. If he doesn't, listen to his reasons why he can't.

    If they seem justified, stick with it. If they don't, then tell him you find it unacceptable and he needs to make a choice. You seriously aren't being unreasonable or demanding here.

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (1)

    • Naomi: June 29, 2009 19:52
      It all seems unreasonable to me! your relationship must b hard already due to it being long distance. your only four months in finish it b4 you get hurt and find someone near home.
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