• "I've got a really beautiful girlfriend but struggle to get hard. What is going on?"


    I have started to date a beautiful woman and it’s making me perform badly in bed. I never had the problem in the past with women I think nothing of but this is different. I have this Page Three beauty type giving me oral sex and I’m soft!

    She’s very understanding and I give her an orgasm but I’m still gutted about it. I know not to drink too much and be healthy but it’s my thoughts that get in the way. I can’t stop thinking about not getting hard for her and the inevitable happens.

    I bought a cock ring hoping that might help but am keen to know your thoughts.


    OK, you already know the answer to this because you’ve told me in your question. We’re all sex gods with partners we don’t really care about because we’re able to let go, be experimental and uninhibited because we don’t care if they judge or rate us.

    We turn into sex nerds with someone we desperately want to impress and become self-conscious, awkward, anxious and totally uptight. Penises, as you’ve guessed, are connected to brains after all, and the more you worry, the less likely it is you’ll get hard.

    The way to fix this is twofold. First up, I get the impression you don’t consider yourself good enough for this girl. Sure, she’s gorgeous with a great body but what about the rest? Aren’t there areas where you are ‘better’ than her? Try to even up the score in your head and think about what a great catch you are.

    The higher your self-esteem and more equal you feel, the more confident you and your penis will be in bed. Secondly, stop thinking sexual prowess is the only way to impress this girl. How about your wit, intelligence, personality? Stop making it all about sex for a bit. The less focus you give sex, the better you’ll perform.

    As for the cock ring... you can try it but they’re more for keeping an erection for longer than getting one in the first place. Leave it - I think it would just put even more pressure on you.

    Supercharge your sex life

    Comments (2)

    • Doctor John: September 08, 2009 07:21
      This specific type of 'erectile dysfunction' is temporary and only happens in situations where you already feel inadequate. It usually disappears after a while, as you become more accustomed to your new partner, as you get to know and trust her, and not be quite so worried about what she thinks of your performance.

      If you felt comfortable about it, you could suggest non penetrative massage in a calm, unrushed atmosphere - with a non erection rule! You massage her, she does you. Try to forget about erections for the duration. You'll quite likely look down at some point and see a stonker! Then you can say 'Oh no you don't my girl, leave that alone'. Or you might choose to say, 'Aw to hell with it, get on board!'

      Very difficult, but if you can make a joke of it, it'll help take the worry out. You could tell your parner that it's because she's too beautiful and that makes you self-conscious - you're a thinking person, you have poetry in your soul, you're not a machine. Remember to laugh after you say this. Women are often kinder than men (in my opinion), and not usually quite as genitally focussed. She might be genuinely not bothered about it, she might be appreciating other things about you.

      Also remember the problem is in your mind, not in your cock. Cocks do what the mind tells them (mostly, that is. They do seem to have a mini mind of their own too, like a rebellious child, but that's an illusion).

      If you really feel stuck in this state of mind, there's always Viagra or Cialis or whatever to get you going - once you've had a few successful events or even one, your confidence will come back and you'll start to be OK. Take a pill and try try to concentrate on something sexual about her, putting anything else into the background.

      Keep in mind that it will be ok soon. And good luck!

    • Gabriel Hoops: September 19, 2009 06:51
      Thanks you, exactly what i needed.
    Add a comment
    1. Yes, please! Email me when there are more comments after mine
    2. We need to ask you a question to prove you're a human because evil spam computers keep abusing our form!