• "My long term girlfriend left me and now has a new boyfriend. I'm depressed - what can I do?"

    Question:

    My girlfriend of five years left me a month ago and last week I found out she has a new boyfriend. She says she wasn’t with him when we were together and I believe her but how can she move on so quickly and what can I do to move on also?

    We won’t be getting back together. This I know for sure. I've suffered from depression in the past and don’t want to go down that road again.


    Answer:

    Here’s some good news: you’ve already made the first, most important step to getting over this girl by admitting it’s over and too much has happened for you two to ever get back together. That is incredibly important. Stick with this.

    Write down “We won’t get back together and I don’t want to’ and stick the note to your bathroom mirror so you see it every day. Why has she moved on so quickly? Because women tend to leave and grieve the men they’re with, while they’re still with them.

    They’ll agonise over whether to stay or go while they’re still in the relationship, for fear of leaving and making a mistake. So by the time she actually left, she’d already gone through a myriad of emotions. Some women also don’t like being on their own so will start to put out feelers to other guys to check there will be someone else out there who’ll want them after they leave.

    She may have done this and given this new guy a hint she liked him, which is why he moved in so fast once you were off the scene. Don’t take this to mean anything was going on while you two were together but understanding why she moved on quickly will help you heal.

    Then it’s just a matter of getting through each day and letting time heal. Surround yourself with friends and pack every second with activity. Keep mega busy. Distraction is a wonderful healing device. Talk to your female friends about how you’re feeling, let them reassure you of anything you’re still worried about.

    Because you’ve been depressed in the past, keep a close eye on that: get lots of exercise, get out into the sun as much as possible, eat well. If you feel yourself sliding into depression, go and see a counselor to talk things through or see your doctor for help. Look after you. You sound like a lovely guy: she is the loser here.

    Unleash a sexier you

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