• "Is there any way I can persuade my wife to use a vibrator on herself while I watch?"

    Question:

    Is there any way I can persuade my wife to use a vibrator on herself while I watch? She likes me to use it with her but says it's not the same on her own.

    I would love to watch her play with herself.


    Answer:

    Here’s the thing: some women are totally comfortable using their trusty vibe with their partners watching, some aren’t. It’s just a ‘thing’ women have. We’re so used to having to hide it away for fear men will be threatened by them, it’s weird having to pull them out of the drawer and show what we get up to when you’re not around!

    Then there’s the fact that most women orgasm within minutes with their vibrator and take - ahem - slightly longer with their partners. All this is probably going through her mind.

    What I’d usually suggest is what you’re already doing: you using it on her to get her used to her vibrator in bed with the two of you. Then, it’s a small step for her to put her hands on top of yours, then you pull your hands out so she’s left holding it - and hopefully so turned on she continues the job. I suspect you’ve tried that.

    Other reasons why she may not want to use it solo in front of you are because she feels self-conscious, it’s unsatisfying or she wants it left as her private treat. If she’s self-conscious, get her to try it with very dim lighting and with her eyes closed. Sure, you might not get a great view but once she’s done it a few times, she’ll get more comfortable and you can turn the lights up.

    She may find it unsatisfying because she’s self conscious with you watching her. If the reason is she wants to keep her solo vibrator sessions for herself, I’m afraid you’re going to have to just accept it. In that case, relinquish the vibe and ask her to use her fingertips instead.

    Send your love life to Sextasy

    Comments (3)

    • LivingFire: September 21, 2009 19:51
      I used to be in a similar position as your wife; my other half wanted to watch me use toys on myself and I was unsure. Now, I have a rather hefty collection and I do love using them... and I love sex with him - but putting the two together.. well, I felt very self conscious - very 'on display'.

      How we eventually got around it was him using them on me to start, then I have become happy to take over - though my god, he does a fantastic job with them! (I don't know if he gets better angles or what, but what is a good toy for me becomes an OH MY GOD toy when he uses it on me!)

      The other thing that helped was time - I had to have time to get myself used to the idea. What ultimately helped me though, was that I fundamentally *did* want to do it, i was just nervous. If its something that legitimately just does nothing for her then you may have to do without, but given time and maybe a helping hand, she may find the idea rather hot!

      best of luck! LF x

    • Lubyanka: September 24, 2009 07:00
      "Here’s the thing: some women are totally comfortable using their trusty vibe with their partners watching, some aren’t. It’s just a ‘thing’ women have. We’re so used to having to hide it away for fear men will be threatened by them, it’s weird having to pull them out of the drawer and show what we get up to when you’re not around!"
      .
      I'm interested to note the way you universalise what I'm assuming is your own experience into a "just a 'thing' women have". Is there a reason you think that every woman who feels discomfort with masturbating in front of her partner must feel it because of the reason you specify? Is there a reason why you conclude that a "thing" must be avoided at all costs and is not worth exploring further in the interests of self-awareness?
      .
      I disagree that discomfort isn't worth exploring further, and I disagree that all women's discomfort response to a similar stimulus must be due to the same reasons. Every person is different, and those differences, discomforts and all, are worth exploring in my opinion. My experience is that writing off discomfort as a 'thing' and sweeping it under the carpet to tiptoe round it forever is probably the least helpful approach with the least useful outcome.
    • annon: September 25, 2009 21:27
      i used to feel the same way as your wife with my husband very uncomfortable and sometimes a bit dirty? the way i conquered this was to explore my own body alone with my vibrtor,once i gained confidance in this i felt able along with a glass of wint to perform in front of my husband and believe me its fantastic he gets enormous pleasure watching me please myself whilst pleasing himself too and the best one i,ve found after my new found confidance is i sit on my rabbit sucking my husbands cock whilst doing so in front of a mirror.. a huge hit believe me its fantastic?now much to my husbands delight its me on these sights ordeing new toys and books and suprising him with them should have lost my inhabitions years ago?? good luck but most of all enjoy!!
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