• "I'm in love with a man twice my age, he feels the same but is worried about the difference. Help!"

    Question:

    I used to visit a gentleman’s house to look after his dying wife, as I was working as a carer at the time. After she died (15 months ago and I cared for her for one month only) we remained friends.

    I visit him about once every two weeks and sometimes we go out. Thing is, I have fallen for him but he’s 68 and I’m 34. I told him how I felt last summer and he said he feels the same.

    But he’s worried about the age difference and doesn’t want to lose my friendship if it all goes wrong. It’s tearing me apart because I really do love him.


    Answer:

    Love never comes with a guarantee but the reason why relationships with big age differences tend not to work long-term is that the couples lack ‘points of reference’ - they haven’t shared similar experiences which basically means they lack things in common. Sounds to me though, that you have developed a great friendship over the last year and a half so have plenty in common.

    Age is not necessarily an indicator of compatibility. He’s obviously a young 68 and you’re obviously not your typical 34-year-old in that you appreciate what an older man has to offer. True, it might all end in tears - and you have to face the fact that he will in all probability die way before you - but going out with people your own ages might end in tears as well.

    Grab happiness while you both can. Tell him that, to you, age is irrelevant and you’re willing to put the friendship at risk for the sake of love, though you are confident you will remain friends even if it doesn’t work out. Suggest you try going out for a few ‘romantic’ dates and then see how you both feel after that.

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    Comments (2)

    • stacey smith: November 15, 2009 16:52
      hi.i know excatly where you are coming from. i went through a similar thing.age doesnt matter.you both need to follow your hearts and do what makes you happy.if you love each other then fight for it.dont let it slip away.
    • Alex: February 21, 2010 23:03
      Go for it! I'm happily married to a man who is 50 (I'm 30). We agonised over whether to start seeing each other once we admitted we had feelings for each other as we were worried about all the stigma that surrounds age gaps and it all going horridly wrong. In the end we just went for it and have never looked back!

      Yes you will face people gawping at you etc etc but honestly it's their problem not yours, just enjoy being truly happy with someone who makes you feel great! as for losing a friendship if it all goes wrong - that could just as easily happen with someone the same age as you so don't worry! And yes there is the fact that my hubby might die ages before I do but my thought is that I'd rather be ecstatically happy with someone for a shorter time period than settle for someone my own age just because they might be around for a bit longer!

      Good luck, hope things work out
      PS hubby has just come in, read your post and said you should go for it....

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