• "My husband prefers to watch internet porn than have sex with me. What should I do?"


    I met and married my husband very quickly as it was love at first sight but just a few months after our honeymoon, I found out he was setting his alarm clock an hour early to get up and go downstairs to masturbate to internet porn.

    My whole world fell apart but we got through it. We have now split as I found out he was masturbating in the loo at work as well as continuing doing this at home, without ever wanting sex with me. When I asked him why he did it, he said he wanted to watch porn more than have sex with me.

    I now feel so ashamed. I must be so fat and ugly and it must be my fault. Please help me understand this.


    This sounds like it has nothing to do with you at all, so please stop thinking it is. I think your partner might be a sex or porn addict. Sex addiction affects a very small percentage of the population but one of the giveaway signs include an addiction to sex (or porn) that threatens to destroy the person’s relationships and career.

    He put both at risk for the sake of masturbating. Most men enjoy masturbating to porn, but do it occasionally and as an added extra to sex with their partners. Setting an alarm clock to get up an hour earlier every day and regularly going into the loo at work, isn’t usual. You say you got married very quickly. I’d guess either he genuinely fell in love and thought it would be enough to beat his addiction and sadly wasn’t.

    Or he has deep commitment issues. People often use sex addiction as a way of avoiding love to avoid being hurt. Again, he thought he would be able to stop his addiction to solo sex but failed when he found himself unable to commit. I’m guessing here because there are many reasons for sex addiction but whichever way you look at it, his sexual behaviour pattern is addictive.

    And that means his problem has little to do with you and a lot to do with him. It means you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not too fat, too ugly or too anything and it certainly isn’t your fault. He needs help and he is the one who needs to seek it so you couldn’t ‘fix’ him. He could have married Kate Moss and still had the same problem. What’s happened is terribly upsetting but honestly, it wasn’t anything to do with your attractiveness.

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (3)

    • becks: November 17, 2009 14:16
      Not your fault .... might not be his 'fault' per se either, sometimes people have various emotional issues that need resolving before they can engage in a healthy relationship .... sounds like he was one of them.

      I'd also say as a woman that we tend to look at our bodies very critically, we see 'fat' instead of 'curvy' small boobs instead of 'pert or mouthful' big boobs are often a 'nuisance' instead of ' curvy' 'bouncy' 'beautiful' 'handful' 'hypnotic' 'fun' ....

      There is more to it but if a person is sexy inside - self confident, body aware and dressing their body shape --- then irrespective of their 'size' they are sexy to others (of all genders)


    • HR: November 20, 2009 16:32
      I have dealt with being in a relationship with somebody who was addicted to internet porn AND in love with somebody else. It was heart wrenching and I don't know why I never left sooner.

      You are in the best position - away from this distressing relationship.

      My advice is to move on and find somebody better, good guys are out there and do exist. This has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with him and his addiction.

    • dave: July 16, 2015 22:24
      porn is natural, all in moderation i guess. I've watched it but always prefer to have the real thing
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