• "My wife thinks I masturbate too much and wants me to wear a chastity belt. Is this reasonable?"


    I have been given an ultimatum by my wife. I have been masturbating too much behind her back and after a lot of pleading for her to forgive me, she told me the only way she would is if I agree to wear a chastity belt, with her holding the keys.

    I’ll do it if that’s what she wants. I can’t trust myself not to masturbate and she thinks all my sexual energy should be saved for her. But it still makes me wonder if this is reasonable?


    No it’s not reasonable, it’s totally and utterly bonkers! Any ultimatum will instantly put you in an uncomfortable position and if chastity play is something you are not interested in, she is without a doubt asking too much. Unless you're both getting something out of it, this doesn’t just scream ‘control freak’, it also makes me wonder what else is in store.

    What about if you look at another woman? Will you be forced to wear a blindfold when out? Just how much are you masturbating? Once or even twice a day isn’t abnormal if you have a very high sex drive. (If you honestly think it is excessive and you might be a sex addict, look up www.sexhelp.com for help. I guarantee you, a chastity belt will not be recommended as part of the treatment!)

    Sit down with your wife and tell her what she’s suggesting is unreasonable and unacceptable.

    Send your love life to Sextasy

    Comments (9)

    • kent: January 08, 2010 15:42
      Perhaps the writer should share with his wife his masturbatory habits. What I mean is, report to her when you have masturbated so there is at least some openness about it. Maybe if that works, you could get to a point where telling her ahead of time is your regular routine and give her an option of having sex with you or her letting you masturbate.

      I think male masturbation can take the heat out of a relationship if its done too often and done in secret. As a man who is experimenting with chastity devices with my wife I think you should consider her request if you fail at other reasonable accommodations such as I have suggested.


    • Steph: January 09, 2010 18:27
      I agree to a point about not masturbating in secret but I think you should suggest to your wife instead of you going off on your own to pleasure yourself, ask her to surprise you with a sexy dance or dress up and if you pleasure yourself infront of her she might take it as a massive compliment to herself. And her confidence would go through the roof, another thing I would suggest is when you and your wife are getting close take some naughty pics or video's and use them to masturbate too, she might feel more at ease and you have something good to look at and would have had fun taking the pics. I do think she is being unreasonable so try more to include her or encourage her to pleasure herself and teach each other your techniques, the masturbation might slowly cut down and the sex could get even better.
    • becks: January 12, 2010 18:48
      Whilst keeping in mind it is possible for masturbation to be excessive, and that can effect a sexual relationship ...

      Your wife is being very unreasonable ... my partner masturbates at least 1-2 times a day sometimes 3-4 and we have a very active sex life ...

      i like that he masturbates, i actually enjoy watching him do it whether in person or if he records it.

      It sounds like there might be some insecurities going on with your wife and your masturbation, perhaps telling her in person or via text some of the fantasies you have whilst masturbating (i'd make sure the ones you relate to her contain her if i where you ;) ) so it is less about her not beign good enough for you or you wanting more than her and becomes about you both sharing each other and being sexy together ...

      is she excessively controlling in other aspects of your relationship? if so it might be something you need to address as a couple, more so than your masturbatory habits perhaps?

      good luck bx

    • warren pond: April 25, 2011 19:49
      I also wear a chastity belt, because of excessive masturbation.My wife had one put on me,and now controls my sex life.She thinks it is reasonable,because all my energy is directed at her.
      She has a point, because I am now a better lover,but I am no longer having as many of those wonderful orgasms as before.
    • becks: April 25, 2011 20:22
      hi warren,

      I'm not sure she does have a point. There are other ways of addressing this rather than her controlling your sexuality.

      Perhaps show her my post above (from jan last year) masturbating can be used to add to your joint sex life and to your skills as a lover without a bloody chastity belt.

      If this is too personal a question please feel free to ignore it but; - does your wife enjoy sex with you often or are you also on sex rations?

      If the above is combined with sex rations (ie much less than once a day on average) then i'd give serious thought to how healthy your relationship actually is. for example no sex and no masturbation; - that is actually recognised as a form of sexual abuse https://sites.google.com/site/survivorsdawn2/redflags (see half way down the page in the abuse for men section) bx

    • tim: April 02, 2013 19:01
      i am a 62 year old guy and locked into a cb3000 chasity because of excess masterbating my wife and lady friend control my climax and this devise works very well.
    • kent: April 03, 2013 03:06
      I think the chastity device fans are winning the debate ;)
    • wimpyboy: September 12, 2014 00:36
      I've been locked into a chastity cage for over 5 years and only get to orgasm once a month. I love it. I know I didn't really answer your question but yea..
    • Martin: January 12, 2015 21:32
      I use a chastity cage in combination with other methods to control my sex addiction, but I also initiated the idea. I have been let out for days at a time on occasion, but can request to be locked at will. My use has declined over time due to less need for it.

      I'm not sure how well it would have worked if it were forced on me though.

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