• "My boyfriend and I want to have a threesome with another girl. How do we go about this?"

    Question:

    My boyfriend and I want to take things to another level and have a threesome with another girl.

    How do we go about this and where do we find someone who’s up for it?


    Answer:

    You’ve already made up your mind to have a threesome, so I won’t waste my time trying to talk you out of it, even though it could be the worst idea you’ve ever had.

    The fantasy of a threesome and the reality are often two totally different things with jealousy often causing major problems afterward. So you have been warned!

    If you still want to proceed, there are various ways to approach it. You could try talking about threesomes to friends and see if anyone starts to suddenly drop by, asking for a cup of sugar at 11pm on a Saturday night.

    Just be warned sleeping with friends is by far the riskiest of all your options even though it seems the most logical. If it all goes horribly wrong, better for it to be with a stranger that won’t remind you of it every time you see them.

    Plus a billion other dilemmas: what if they want to do it again and you don’t? What if sleeping with you or your partner sparks feelings for either of you?

    The safest option of all if you’re a couple, in my opinion, is to hire a sex worker and meet them at a hotel. Anonymity, little risk of a relationship developing, everyone knows what they’re there for and you feel less obligation to keep going if you decide it’s not for you. Just pay her or him and leave. (I hope it goes without saying that you’ll practise safe sex, regardless of who you choose!

    Always remember, condoms aren’t absolute protection protection against STIs. Fingers, tongues, semen, skin to skin contact – all spread infection. The only way to guarantee you won’t ‘catch something’ is to go along to a swingers’ club and get your kicks simply by watching.)

    Another alternative: if you live in a big city, google ‘sex party’ or ‘swinging’ and you’ll find there are parties or venues filled to the brim with like-minded people. I’m not saying you’ll want to shag (or even talk) to all these people, but they will want what you want.

    The other option is to go online and place or answer an ad. Google ‘threesomes’ and you see you’re spoilt for choice. It’s prudent to all meet beforehand – don’t give our personal details until then. Not just to check you fancy each other but to check they’re not complete nutters.

    Trust your instincts. If you sense there is something dodgy (in a bad way), don’t go there. I’d still consider meeting in a hotel rather than inviting them into your home.

    Tracey Cox Dare - What Happens When Fantasies Come True

    Comments (4)

    • Dolly Daydream: April 30, 2010 12:59
      The fantasy is better than the reality!!

      My husband and I had an unplanned 3some... Things haven't been the same since. I can't believe he let me sleep with another man (Does he not love me?) and he thinks the other guy was better in bed than him as I came twice.. Just causes problems. A relationship should be between 2 people. I'd never do it again!

    • Hella Rouge: April 30, 2010 13:10
      It really does depend on who you are, who your partner is and what kind of relationship you have. Threesomes are amazing fun.

      The best success I ever had was with another woman. The chap didn't get involved with me and I didn't touch him but I had a lot of fun with his girlfriend and so did he.

    • becks: April 30, 2010 15:15
      I'd advise contacting your local swingers club and asking them for their advice ... this is an esepcially good idea if they operate out of a set venue as they will usually be experienced, professionals and knowledgable and wish only the best experiences for everyone so will know if it is 'right' for you and how you can find out if it is 'right' for you ...

      they will also give good advice on sexual safety both imediate physical safety (such as personal details etc) and sexual infection etc safety

      a bit of googleing should find you a venue/club near to you

      a threesome can be very good fun, so long as that is what it is and everyone knows before hand, and so long as there is no hint of coersion or 'abuse' in the relationship already ... for a check list for the latter see womens aid ...

      good luck
      bx

    • Captain Kinky: August 08, 2010 20:46
      Seconding Becks' advice, though finding a single female at a swingers club is far from guaranteed unless you're happy to have her partner watch or join in.

      You may have more luck on swingers hook-up websites, such as sdc.com, swingingheaven.co.uk or fabswingers.com . The last of the three is the only one that offers good functionality without money changing hands, but make sure that anyone you're considering has been 'verified' by other members, as some people might not be what they claim. The other two are probably better options if you decide that you're serious about doing this regularly and are prepared to spend some money. You know that you're only dealing with people who were serious enough about it to spend the money too.

      If you're going to do this, then talk it over thoroughly first. Set out detailed rules about what may and what may not happen, and don't deviate from them on the night. You need to be adult about this, and accept that as long as the agreed rules are not broken, neither partner has cause to be jealous or upset. Remember at the end of the day that you are still emotionally monogamous. This is just about sex.

      It''s not for everyone, but swinging has recently revolutionised mine and the wife's sex life after 13 years of marriage. We've gone from what would technically be termed a sexless marriage (less than 10 times a year) to pretty much every day, and sometimes more than once. Perhaps the novelty will wear off, but I'll gladly pray too any god that it doesn't. It has also given us a chance to be honest, and discuss other fantasies and 'kinks' that we've been keeping to ourselves for a very long time, allowing us to explore some interesting avenues such as BDSM and anal toys.

      Read up on safer sex, and accept that there's no such thing as safe sex. The only real dilemma we've found is whether or not to use condoms for oral sex, as it was a no-brainer for us that we'd be using them for penetration. Bear in mind that oral carries the risk of contracting some of the more common STIs, and also that it carries a very small but present risk of contracting HIV. Discuss the risks and how to minimise them, and see whether you're prepared to accept the possibility, rather than going blindly into this, reading up on it afterwards and thinking "what have I done?"

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