• "I have low body confidence and it's affecting my sex life. How can I overcome this?"

    Question:

    I’m not terribly confident about my body but I am a huge fan of sex. I know I shouldn’t worry about wobbly bits but I do and it interferes with my enjoyment. Spare me the lecture about how I should love my body because I am healthy. I need some practical tips on how to be sexy even when I’m having a ‘fat day’.


    Answer:

    OK, so there are some bits you don’t like. Very few woman (in fact I’ve never met any) love everything. But even if you don’t like your tummy or your thighs, what about your arms, shoulders, hands or feet? Start focusing on those areas during sex, pamper them, show them off. Thin people pay more attention to themselves - if you don’t like your body and don’t like paying attention to it, you’re not going to want to shave, preen, fake tan etc - yet all those things do make us feel more confident about showing it off to our partner.

    Focus on what you’re feeling, not how you’re looking. Close your eyes and lose yourself in sensation rather than focusing on what you think you partner is seeing. Another good tip is to decide what time of the day you feel you do look your best and have sex then. Like have sex first, then go out to dinner. Don’t do it last thing at night when feeling heavy or uncomfortable but first thing in morning when feel lightest.

    If you absolutely don’t feel comfortable naked, buy some low-cut sexy vest tops that flatter your chest but cover the rest of you and leave them on during sex. Or try a see through nightie. The classic baby doll shape is flattering and won’t get in the way of sex. He’ll be more inclined to accept you leaving some clothing in, if it’s sexy clothing. (Add a pair of heels and he won’t complain at all!)

    Pick your position carefully. Forget the missionary position, rear-entry positions are the most flattering, especially if you lift your bottom high in the air and lean forwards on your forearms. Not only does it give him a visual treat, the angle and position makes your waist look tiny and your thighs slim and taut. Leave the light on, just be sneaky about how you do it. Put candles on the floor on saucers or simply plunk the bedside light down there. Lighting from below is far more flattering. Another good fat-day trick: Blindfold him and let it all hang out.

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