• "My new girlfriend complains that I take too long to orgasm. Is she right?"

    Question:

    My new girlfriend complains that I take too long to orgasm, though other girls have complimented me on lasting a long time. I usually hold off for at least 40 minutes or so. She said most women only like having sex for about ten minutes. Which sounds right to you? And if she’s right, why would all my other ex-girlfriends lie?


    Answer:

    This is an excellent example of why, as much as we have to generalise about sex to make sense of it, it all really comes down to individual taste. What worked with Mary won’t necessarily work with Jane. Your current girlfriend likes ten minutes of intercourse (which is what I presume you mean when you say ‘sex’). Your exes liked more. I don’t think any of them are necessarily lying, though if I had to lay bets, I’d say your current girlfriend is probably the more accurate.

    A recent study of a sizeable number of people of both sexes found between three and 13 minutes was the ideal length of time for intercourse to last. The thing is, most women don’t orgasm through penetration anyway – only about 20-30% of women can climax purely through intercourse. Most get their orgasms beforehand through oral or you using your fingers. (Or need you to use your hand or a vibrator on them while you’re merrily thrusting away.) So if time is limited, you’re better off concentrating on using your tongue or fingers than you are grinding away for hours on end.

    It could also be that your girlfriend is quite sensitive, as lots of women are, and it starts to hurt after a while. This is easily fixed by stopping to add lube if she feels sore or dry. In summary: there is no one rule for every female, though this should give you a guideline as to what’s usual and what’s not.

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