• Sex Advice: Anal sex & anal play for beginners

    Tracey Cox Supersex Advanced Anal Butt Plug Kit

    What's the body part with the highest concentration of nerve endings besides the genitals? Your bottom! Anal sex used to be taboo but now lots of sexually adventurous couples are discovering its erotic potential.

    While I'm very fond of saying there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to have sex, but when it comes to anal sex, there really are some crucial rules you need to follow to ensure you're shooting through the the roof with pleasure not pain.

    The good news is, if you follow some simple steps you'll be well on your way to adding a fresh, frisky element to your sex life in no time!

    This guide offers information specifically for couples attempting anal intercourse or stimulation for the first time.

    How to Experiment with Anal Play

    Finger insertion is a great way to get your bottoms used to being penetrated. It's safe, feels highly pleasurable and helps prepare the anus for penetration with a butt plug or penis.

    • Apply some lubricant to your finger or your partner's anus.
    • Rub your fingertip around the outside of the anus in a gentle, circular motion.
    • Wait until the muscles relax, then insert your finger a tiny way inside. Keep inserting a little at a time.
    • Once you're finger is fully inserted, move it in a cuircular or 'beckoning' motion rather than in-out.

    Using a butt plug not only adds extra stimulation, making you feel pleasantly 'filled up', it gets your bottom used to relaxing around an inserted object. The reason butt plugs have flared bases, by the way, is to make sure they don't go in... and stay in!

    • Follow the same steps as for finger insertion, then, using lots of lubricant, gently insert the plug.
    • Leave the plug inserted while continung to stimulate elsewhere (using your hands or tongue on the genitals or other hotspots) or during vaginal intercourse.
    • Once you're used to one size, move on to a bigger plug following the same steps.

    Rimming involved licking the 'rim' of the anus and/or inserting a stiff tongue inside it. Receiving and/or rimming their partner is some people's idea of heaven; others would seriously prefer to stick pins in their eyeballs. Don't force your partner to give or receive it if it simply doesn't appeal, but you can get over any squeamishness by covering bottom openings with a little piece of cling film or opened condom.

    Supersex Beginner's Butt Plug - £9.99

    If you're starting out with anal play, this small silicone butt plug is for you.

    Get used to the sensations and prepare yourself for anal sex with this butt plug or add it during foreplay, and leave it in while you have sex.

    Will Anal Sex Hurt?

    Some experts say if you do it 'properly' then no. I say even if you do it correctly, the urge to say 'Owww! That bloody hurt!' will strike you at times. The anal sphincter muscles are used to pushing things out, not taking things in, so you literally have to retrain your bottom. You can only do this by taking things slowly.

    This is why you must use a good quality anal lubricant and relax the muscles by massaging with your fingers first. Anal intercourse will feel uncomfortable initially, but once you relax into it the pain should subside.

    Is Anal Sex Dirty?

    The rectum is a passageway, not a storage place, but the more recently you've been to the toilet, the better. It's also handy to have some wipes by the bed to discreetly wipe fingers, toys or penises and if you've just spent your entire pay packet on some gorgeous Egyptian cotton Persil-white sheets, I'd think about putting down some dark coloured towels.

    If you're seriously squeamish or worried about infection, use latex gloves for covering your fingers and condoms for intercourse.

    How to Have Anal Sex

    Once you've experimented with other types of anal play, you may feel ready to have full anal intercourse.

    If You're Giving

    • Never go straight to anal intercourse without having tried other stuff first (fingers, butt plugs, dildos, vibrators).
    • Apply LOTS of lube to both your penis and their bottom, then rub the penis head against the opening.
    • Wait for the anus to relax and open and let them back onto your penis rather than you doing the penetrating.
    • Hold your penis at the base and wait until the head (only) penetrates. Pause until they say it's OK to go further and insert a little at a time, very slowly.
    • Once it's all in, pause again, then do slow, gentle, shallow thrusts.
    • Stop regularly to apply more lubrication and exit as slowly as you entered - go too fast and the muscles will tense and spasm.
    • Always stop moving immediately if your partner says 'stop'. Like, that second. Ask if they would like you to carry on, or remove your penis slowly and gently if they want you to stop completely.
    • If You're Receiving

    • The more aroused you are, the less it will hurt (having an orgasm first also helps to relax you).
    • Hold your bottom open and bear down a little (as though you're tryin to go to the toilet) - this opens your anus.
    • Breathe deeply, then back up to allow them to penetrate a little. If you start to panic, try contracting your anal muscles voluntarily to give you a sense of control.
    • Give constant feedback on how you're feeling It can take a few sessions before you can accept them fully (and if they're large, sometimes never), so don't feel rushed or pressured.

    Heat up your sex life

    Comments (9)

    • Wolvy: September 02, 2011 17:32
      I can't believe Tracy hasn't mentioned douching. I gently douche before anal sex to ensure i am completely clean......it puts my mind (and my partner's mind) at rest so we can enjoy each other and not worry about 'accidents'.

      Douches are available on this site....

      Another benefit of douching is it helps to relax the anus....making it more receptive.


    • Mark Ramsden: February 22, 2012 07:45
      An enema is a fun way to prepare for sex indeed it is anal sex play as lubing, insertion of the nozzle, the pressure building inside, the relief of evacuation can all be pleasurable in themselves. Afterwards, very little risk of mess and enhanced relaxation and peace of mind.

      Kudos to the knowledgable Ms Cox whose television appearances are always delightful.

    • Violet Ivy: June 01, 2013 03:10
      This is one of the simplest and best 'how to's for anal that I have seen. I had HORRIBLE anal sex experiences with guys who had no idea what they were doing and just shoved it up there causing major pain and bleeding. I swore off it forever until one Greek man gently opened my eyes and sphincter to the joys of the ass. Now I love it as much as vaginal sex.
      Take your time on both sides. Lots of lube. Gentle fingers first. Go SLOWLY!!
      Violet Ivy
      Elite, international escort and author
    • Danny Simmons: April 11, 2014 21:20
      I have been married to my wife for 22 years, and we have NEVER had Anal sex because she thinks it will hurt her ~ how can I prepare her / us for anal sex ? what do I need to buy ? how can I relax her ? ... look forward to hearing from you , many thanx ... Danny x
    • Tricia Watts: August 27, 2014 16:59
      Ok I am a confused, I am 43 years old. I have had anal sex before. But I must admit that I have never used a butt plug. I understand you are to put in the anal. Please someone explain. Do I like put it in my anal in the morning like before I go to work, in hopes when I get home my hubby wants to have sex? And is it to be removed by my hubby at the time I am bout to have a orgism. I just want to understand the side by side way to use it. And is it the same as the balls are beads.
    • Rich: January 18, 2015 10:43
      I found that it took a 3 months of training until my wife enjoyed it. She particularly likes receiving oral sex, so I would slowly work her up into an orgasm while working the anus with my fingers. Once she could comfortably take 4 fingers in her anus I would then sodomise her during her orgasm. This way she enjoyed and prolonged the orgasm. It wasn't too long then that she would want me to push my hand in while I gave her oral sex, this has led to sodomy becoming very regular and a great experience for us both.
    • Robin: December 10, 2015 11:59
      My husband recently wanted to try anal sex but I don't like the idea! Everytime we make love, he will try but it hurts to much! I did some research and saw some videos, but still not sure if I can or want to! Last night I said I would try but now I regret it! How can I prepare myself for this! What kind of toys can we start with?
    • Danny: September 25, 2016 00:45
      Dear Reader,
      I cannot 'cum' because of medical reasons, when i & my my wife make love i use my hands, she loves it, and i touch her anal hole with my Pinky, i watch her facial expressions change, i ask her if that felt good and she says 'yes' ~ how can i persuade her to have anal sex with me ? we've been together 27 years never done it ~ thanks for your time, Danny x
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