Sex Advice: Anal sex & anal play for beginners
What's the body part with the highest concentration of nerve endings besides the genitals? Your bottom! Anal sex used to be taboo but now lots of sexually adventurous couples are discovering its erotic potential.
While I'm very fond of saying there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to have sex, but when it comes to anal sex, there really are some crucial rules you need to follow to ensure you're shooting through the the roof with pleasure not pain.
The good news is, if you follow some simple steps you'll be well on your way to adding a fresh, frisky element to your sex life in no time!
This guide offers information specifically for couples attempting anal intercourse or stimulation for the first time.
How to Experiment with Anal Play
Finger insertion is a great way to get your bottoms used to being penetrated. It's safe, feels highly pleasurable and helps prepare the anus for penetration with a butt plug or penis.
- Apply some lubricant to your finger or your partner's anus.
- Rub your fingertip around the outside of the anus in a gentle, circular motion.
- Wait until the muscles relax, then insert your finger a tiny way inside. Keep inserting a little at a time.
- Once you're finger is fully inserted, move it in a cuircular or 'beckoning' motion rather than in-out.
Using a butt plug not only adds extra stimulation, making you feel pleasantly 'filled up', it gets your bottom used to relaxing around an inserted object. The reason butt plugs have flared bases, by the way, is to make sure they don't go in... and stay in!
- Follow the same steps as for finger insertion, then, using lots of lubricant, gently insert the plug.
- Leave the plug inserted while continung to stimulate elsewhere (using your hands or tongue on the genitals or other hotspots) or during vaginal intercourse.
- Once you're used to one size, move on to a bigger plug following the same steps.
Rimming involved licking the 'rim' of the anus and/or inserting a stiff tongue inside it. Receiving and/or rimming their partner is some people's idea of heaven; others would seriously prefer to stick pins in their eyeballs. Don't force your partner to give or receive it if it simply doesn't appeal, but you can get over any squeamishness by covering bottom openings with a little piece of cling film or opened condom.
If you're starting out with anal play, this small silicone butt plug is for you.
Get used to the sensations and prepare yourself for anal sex with this butt plug or add it during foreplay, and leave it in while you have sex.
Will Anal Sex Hurt?
Some experts say if you do it 'properly' then no. I say even if you do it correctly, the urge to say 'Owww! That bloody hurt!' will strike you at times. The anal sphincter muscles are used to pushing things out, not taking things in, so you literally have to retrain your bottom. You can only do this by taking things slowly.
This is why you must use a good quality anal lubricant and relax the muscles by massaging with your fingers first. Anal intercourse will feel uncomfortable initially, but once you relax into it the pain should subside.
Is Anal Sex Dirty?
The rectum is a passageway, not a storage place, but the more recently you've been to the toilet, the better. It's also handy to have some wipes by the bed to discreetly wipe fingers, toys or penises and if you've just spent your entire pay packet on some gorgeous Egyptian cotton Persil-white sheets, I'd think about putting down some dark coloured towels.
If you're seriously squeamish or worried about infection, use latex gloves for covering your fingers and condoms for intercourse.
How to Have Anal Sex
Once you've experimented with other types of anal play, you may feel ready to have full anal intercourse.
If You're Giving
- Never go straight to anal intercourse without having tried other stuff first (fingers, butt plugs, dildos, vibrators).
- Apply LOTS of lube to both your penis and their bottom, then rub the penis head against the opening.
- Wait for the anus to relax and open and let them back onto your penis rather than you doing the penetrating.
- Hold your penis at the base and wait until the head (only) penetrates. Pause until they say it's OK to go further and insert a little at a time, very slowly.
- Once it's all in, pause again, then do slow, gentle, shallow thrusts.
- Stop regularly to apply more lubrication and exit as slowly as you entered - go too fast and the muscles will tense and spasm.
- Always stop moving immediately if your partner says 'stop'. Like, that second. Ask if they would like you to carry on, or remove your penis slowly and gently if they want you to stop completely.
- The more aroused you are, the less it will hurt (having an orgasm first also helps to relax you).
- Hold your bottom open and bear down a little (as though you're tryin to go to the toilet) - this opens your anus.
- Breathe deeply, then back up to allow them to penetrate a little. If you start to panic, try contracting your anal muscles voluntarily to give you a sense of control.
- Give constant feedback on how you're feeling It can take a few sessions before you can accept them fully (and if they're large, sometimes never), so don't feel rushed or pressured.