• "When we do girl-on-top, I get all self-conscious. How can I get over it?"

    Question:

    I'm seeing someone that I'm really attracted to, the sex is really great (best I have had) but there's something holding me back. I'm not a very sexually confident person. I'm good at the ‘old fashioned’ things like hand jobs and I’m good at going down on him - great, actually!  But when I get on top, I get all self-conscious. I worry I look weird from that angle and while I’m having sex. Also, I don't think I'm very good at being in top generally. How can I become better at all this and really make him think that this is the best sex he's ever had?


    Answer:

    And breathe. Honey, if you’re even half of what you say here - delivering hell head-jobs and heavenly hand-jobs and rating the sex you’re having as the best you’ve had - he’s already on cloud nine! Why aren’t you sexually confident?You say you’re good at the basics like hand-jobs and great at oral sex (not sure why you think they’re ‘old-fashioned’ - somehow I think they’ll always be in fashion!). The only thing I’m getting from your email is some trepidation during one particular sex position - you on top - which, I have to say is something a lot of females wrestle with.

    Some women worry about how their breasts look, others worry about ‘fat’ tummies or how their face looks ‘hanging down’. The reality is that the guy lying beneath you is usually so grateful that he’s not having to do all the work, he’s hardly going to be critical at all. He is indeed looking at your wobbly bits - your breasts - and transfixed by them. You on top is one of few positions that gives him a bird’s eye view of your body and he appreciates every moment. So please stop worrying.

    As for ‘not being very good’ at being on top, I think you’re talking about problems with the actual thrusting. There are two ways to position yourself, so experiment to find out which one suits you. First try squatting over him so your feet are flat - if there’s a bedhead, you could lean forward and grab this for balance - and use your calf and upper thigh muscles to lift you up and down. Or straddle him so you’re resting on your knees and use your upper thigh and buttock muscles to thrust. If you really can’t get the hang of it, the cheat’s way is to get him to hold you around the waist and lift you up and down or you stay completely still as he thrusts underneath you.

    Sextasy - Send your love life to Sextasy

    Comments (3)

    • Blondii: August 21, 2011 13:39
      Great advice there, yes I too used to feel a bit self concious ontop, but as you are brilliant at the other things, its his chance to pamper you now as his hands are free...! If your worried about your body as he can see everything, then wear some sexy lingerie that holds everything together, a corset or sexy basque, these hold tummy in and boobs in place, he will love that and you will feel like a goddess.
    • carolanne: March 28, 2013 19:26
      Ave been having that problem lately too. Im not very confident on top either. Somehow I feel a bit silly. I get tired out so quick then start to worry that he thinks I cant keep up. I go gym most days so I should be fit enough. How long should I really be thrusting for on top?
    • Sean: February 24, 2016 11:47
      This may seem overly simple or it may seem unorthodox. But talk to him. Guys are not brought up with nearly as much criticism over our bodies so we tend to just be ignorant and oblivious to what you gals are going through during sex when your the main attraction. In any relationship were you are both intimate and committed adults then your not just in it for your own satisfaction. Letting him know, hey it really turns me on when you say "x,y,z" while I am on top of you will get him thinking about it and about what he loves about your body. Trust me when I say ever guy has his favorite parts, so why not let him know what your favorite parts are to. If you find it difficult to talk about sex then something my wife and I have done is after a really great round of sex talk about what you enjoyed and what would really drive you wild next time, or while giving him head mention that you love it when he tells you how hot you look. Guys mostly just get the fear of will you get off before me or not, so we tend to miss a lot of the worries that you gals face. Talking about it removes the fear of what is he thinking and helps you know that he is thinking of you, and in all the right ways ;)
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