"My husband and I have a good sex life but I'm attracted to a younger man. What should I do?"
I'm 42 and very happily married with three kids. My husband and I have a good sex life but lately I’ve been very attracted to a younger friend of mine. He's 24. We go to bars and clubs together and we flirt quite a lot. I know he finds me attractive as he isn't shy about telling me. I tend to make more of an effort with my makeup and how I dress when I'm around him.
On more than one occasion I've been tempted to give in to my desires, but the thought of losing my husband and kids stops me. How can I go about exploring my desires so nobody gets hurt?
My first question is where’s your husband when you’re out clubbing with this guy? Because you’re playing with fire here if you’re going out with him solo, drinking and staying out late. Temptation + opportunity + alcohol = an affair. I know it, you know it and your friend probably knows it as well which is why he’s flirting his ass off with you when you go out!
The only way to ‘explore your desire’ where no-one gets hurt is to use your young friend as fantasy fodder: pretend you are having sex with him when you’re actually having sex with your husband. I’d usually suggest this as a good outlet but even that makes me a tad nervous. You aren’t just ripe for an affair, you’re practically dropping off the tree! And recent research has shown that sometimes fantasising about sex with someone we’re desperate to do it with, can make the urge stronger not less.
What I really think you should do is stop seeing your friend solo and turn all this sexual energy back into your marriage. When you’re comparing your husband to your hot young toy boy, remember you are comparing old with new and nothing is quite so appealing as something we haven’t tried before. If the roles were reversed and you were married to your younger friend and your husband was untried territory, I suspect he’d be more appealing. When was the last time you and your husband took yourselves off for a dirty weekend? Now could be a good time to do just that. It’s also a good time to think about instant vs delayed gratification. I have no doubt sex with your friend would be delicious but I also have no doubt it wouldn’t be worth losing your husband and kids over.