• "I exaggerated about my sexual experience - should I come clean?"

    Question:

    My new girlfriend is way more experienced than me with sex. She’s had threesomes, slept with a girl - the lot. I’ve only done normal stuff so I lied a bit so she wouldn’t think I was boring. I told her I’d been a swinger and had gone to an orgy and she seemed impressed. She asked lots of questions and so I just made up the answers and we had great sex afterward. Later she asked me what else I’d done, so I started making up other stuff.

    Each story I tell turns her on. She says she finds it hot hearing about my ‘adventures’ but none of it is true! It was a bit of a laugh to begin with but now I really like her. Do I tell her it’s all a lie or keep going with it all? I worry she’ll go off me if she thinks I haven’t done much with sex.


    Answer:

    The trouble with telling one lie, is that it usually leads to another, then another and before you know it, you’ve got yourself in a right mess. Happily, this is one mess that’s not as bad as you think it is…unless there’s a chance a friend or family member are likely to drop you in it. If she hints at your ‘studly’ past, is there anyone who’s liable to say ‘Who Steve? No way!”.

    If you’re reasonably safe and it’s mainly pillow talk, what’s the real harm here? Lots of girls would be horrified if you really had done all you say you have. Your girlfriend, instead, finds it all a turn on. She’s clearly experimental sexually and likes men who are the same. Sure you lied at the start, but it’s understandable. Lots of men would do the same when faced with a women who’s done more than they have. And it was her response to your story that kept the lie going: she liked it and you had great sex. There’s no real difference between this and making up sexy stories as fantasies for dirty talk.

    If she ever asks you outright if you lied, admit you did and explain why (I suspect she’ll find it funny rather than be upset). But from now on, instead of saying you’ve done other ‘naughty’ things, turn it around and say ‘This is something I’m gagging to try but never have..”. Then tell her what you’d like to do. It’ll have the same effect but you won’t feel bad for lying.

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