• "Work stole my sex drive - how can I get back in the mood again?"

    Question:

    I used to be mad for sex with my girlfriend but haven’t fancied it for five months now. I don’t know why. I still love her and she’s been understanding but I feel really down about it.

    I recently got promoted at work but am not doing very well at that either. I’m working late and more tired and stressed than usual. Sex used to be the one thing that calmed me down and now that’s gone. How can I get back in the mood again?


    Answer:

    One in five men say their libido is low because they’re too stressed from work. If you’re having a hard time at work and don’t feel like you’re coping very well, your self-esteem takes a battering. Lots of men define themselves by their status (your job), the money they make (your job) and how well you perform in bed (affected by your job). If it’s not going well, it’s common for your libido to plummet. Are you drinking more as well? Self-medicating with too much alcohol can add to the problem because it reduces the production of testosterone and can lead to depression. Pop off to the doctor for some anti-depressants and blood pressure pills and you’ve effectively wiped out any sexual craving that might have been still clinging on.

    The key to getting in the mood again is sorting out the work stress. Once you settle into the new job and feel more confident, your libido will return. In the meantime, accept this is normal and take the pressure off by having lots of non-effort sex - small, bite-size sexy encounters that don’t necessarily include intercourse. Most of all stop worrying. You’re not alone in this. The UK’s counselling charity Relate reported a 40 percent increase from the previous decade in the number of men claiming to have gone off sex. These weren’t men with erection problems, these were men not interested in getting one. We don’t hear about it because no-one talks about it. Good on you for doing just that and making the thousands of men like you, who are reading this, feel a little better about themselves.

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