• "Is it time to settle for 'safe'?"

    Question:

    My relationship history is pretty sad because of my past (both my parents cheated). I had therapy and understand my ‘patterns’ (I push men away when they get too close or down date so I won’t get hurt).

    Recently I dated a man who was worthy of me and I let him love me back but it’s just ended because he said he wasn’t ready to settle. Does this mean I’m not cured? I feel like I should stick with my ‘safe’ choices because at least then I won’t get hurt again.


    Answer:

    Sounds to me like you did get it right and managed perfectly well to love without falling back into your old patterns. The only mistake made this time was timing: the guy simply wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Don’t beat yourself up, congratulate yourself on getting it right!

    As for the future… If we’re honest, I think most of us find love painful as well as pleasurable and it does require vulnerability and risk. But the right person can also provide happiness and a long-term contentment that’s unparalleled. Don’t settle for safe. Lick your wounds for a bit, then get back out there. Be careful but have faith in yourself. I do!

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