• "I secretly fancy my gay friend, should I tell him how I feel?"

    Question:

    A close male friend has just told me he’s gay. This is after years of me secretly fancying him and hoping that one day he would see me as a potential partner rather than just a friend. Is there any point in telling him how I feel?


    Answer:

    If he’d hinted to you that he was bi, I’d probably give it the old college try. But it’s a big deal for a guy to admit he’s gay, even in these more enlightened times, so I’m going to take him at his word and assume this means he’s not sexually attracted to women. And that, sadly, means you. Confessing undying love at this point will probably just make him feel uncomfortable. You could jokingly suss him out by saying something like ‘I can’t believe you’re gay! I had my eye on you all those years and now you go and tell me you don’t fancy women!’. But I suspect, he’ll just laugh and say, ‘I know. Crazy, right?” rather than suddenly switch camps and reconsider the whole thing.

    This is real life, not a movie. It’s a dilemma plenty of us identify with (I’d cheerfully marry most of my gay friends!) and have to live with too!

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