Can You Make Yourself Fancy Someone?
Q: My partner of two years is an attractive, kind, funny man who adores me. Everyone's always telling me how lucky I am to have him, but the reality is that I don't fancy him and don't think I ever did!
I love him desperately though and really want it to work. Is there a way to make yourself fancy someone? I fancy other men, so I do have a libido!
A: Love 'purists' will tell you if the sexual spark isn't there at the start, it's not possible to manufacture it. In a sense, I agree.
But you're not asking me to create chemistry, you're asking me if it's possible to make yourself fancy someone you love and the answer is yes. Desire is a decision.
Even if you had fancied your partner at the start, it can disappear over time. The trick to long-term lust is to turn yourself on, rather than expect your partner to do it for you. You have a healthy libido, so tap into it and build on it by reading some erotic books.
Use them to create a little 'library' of fantasies that turn you on, then replay them in your head while you're with your partner. Also, teach him the techniques that work for you. If you close your eyes and fantasise as he's doing the things you like, sex can be satisfying. Once you've had a few sessions that work this way, your brain and body will start to link your partner with good sex. The two will fuse - and you'll start to fancy him.
This sounds manipulative but it's what couples with healthy sex drives do instinctively over time. It's not easy to make love to the same person and enjoy it for the rest of your life, despite society telling us this is how it should be!