How to Say No to Sex Without Upsetting Your Partner
Think of your sex life as a bank account. Keep it topped up at a healthy level. If you had sex twice last week, it's OK to say no because you're knackered the week after. Not so good, if you haven't had sex for three months.
- Don't say no, say when: If you don't feel like it now, when will you? Honour any promises you make.
- Go for a low-effort option: If he's really up for it and you're not, get him to masturbate while you watch, lying beside him in bed. Or what about giving him oral sex instead, if he orgasms quickly that way?
- Reject sex, not the person: Just because you're not up for sex, doesn't mean they should be punished for suggesting it. It's a compliment that someone wants you! Tell them you'd like to snuggle instead rather than pretend you're asleep or get huffy.
- Don't fall into the trap of both promising each other a marathon sex session to make up for not having it for weeks. You think it's hard to find energy, time and enthusiasm now, so it's going to seem like an even bigger ask if you're trying to make up for lost time and have to find a few hours. Instead, get into the habit of having more mini-sessions and quickies. Sure, you might not orgasm every single time (though him holding a vibrator on you during an intercourse quickie will up the odds) but regular sexual activity of any kind will increase your libido and make you more up for it the next time around.
- Are you sure you can't muster up the energy? Sometimes, the energy it takes to refuse sex costs us more than just doing it. If you're tired, agree to a quickie. That way you'll both go to bed happy rather than him feeling resentful and deprived and you feeling guilty.