• Why Don't Women Suggest Kinky Things?

    Tracey Cox Dare Erotic Fantasies Book

    Q: Why Don't Women Suggest Kinky Things? Why Is It Mostly Left Up to Men?

    A: I get asked this question all the time - and it sort of pisses me off that it’s assumed it’s because women aren’t into kinky stuff. That’s sooooooooo not the case! One reason is because when we do, some men judge us! Despite so called sexual equality, there’s still a huge chasm between what men are supposed to do/like/get up to and what women are supposed to enjoy.

    Evidence: I’m talking with a friend of mine, who enthusiastically agrees when I asked him if it’s finally OK for women to sleep with as many people as men do. ‘Of course!”, he says, looking at me like I’ve just asked if it’s OK to smoke in a Cigar Bar. ‘Absolutely! No question!”. ‘So, if Ellen confessed she’d slept with 40 men - which is about how many women you’ve slept with - you wouldn’t mind at all.” He drops his eyes. ‘Well, no, that’s different. She’s my girlfriend’, he mumbles.


    So there you have it: it’s OK for women ‘in general - floating out there somewhere in the universe - to do it, just not anyone men want to get romantically involved with.

    This is why, when you ask us what we’d really like in bed, we’re loathe to tell the truth. The same way we’re judged for the number of partners, we’re also unfairly judged by some men if we like ‘dirty’ sex.

    Ask most women what their favourite sexual fantasy is and they’ll offer up something like “On a plane”. Yeah right. I know what women’s sex fantasies are because I research them for books and it ain’t the old ‘making love on the beach to a glorious sunset’ which tops the list.

    Women’s fantasies are far more ribald, outrageous and kinky than most men’s. It’s just that we know you’d be shocked if you heard them, so we keep our mouths shut. (If you don’t believe me, pick up my book Dare or any of Nancy Friday’s fantasy books Women On Top or My Secret Garden and read one out to your mother.)

    Point is, if you let her know she won’t be judged no matter what she suggests, you might be amazed how far you’ll get. We’re not being prudish, just tired of being judged for wanting to experiment!

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