Anal foreplay and sex positions
It used to be that anal play was something only super-adventurous ‘out there’ couples did.
These days, almost half (40-45%) of couples in the US have tried anal sex and enjoy anal stimulation and those figures are reflected in the UK.
But anal play is a bit like tie-up games - what the hell do you do, once you’ve got the person at your mercy?
This is my guide to the basics to get you started.
Rimming or analingus. This involves licking, flicking or inserting a stiff tongue into the anal passage and thrusting like a pretend penis.
It feels great (for both sexes) because the area is highly sensitive and loaded with nerve endings. If you’re worried about germs, STIs (and you should be if your partner hasn't been tested) or you’re generally squeamish, put a barrier between it and you - try a piece of clingfilm or cut open a condom and lay it across the opening. Then lick and flick around and into the opening.
Fingering. Apply a good dollop of anal lubricant around the rim of the anus. (Unlike the vagina, the anus isn't self-lubricating which is why you need stronger, more slippery lube). If you don't know the person well or have long nails, wear a thin, latex glove.
Using a finger rather than a toy or penis means the person doing the fingering can feel what's going on. It's a great way to figure out what is up there and to prepare the bottom for other objects, but also enjoyable for its own sake.
Don't dive straight for the anus, even if you've both agreed this is what you want to try in that session. Most couples experiment anally when they are hugely turned on, so do what you normally do to get yourselves close to climaxing before attempting it.
When you think they're ready, try circling the anus with your finger or lightly pressing your fingertip against the opening. Check there's still lots of lube, then gently insert your index finger about an inch inside.
Stop and allow their sphincter muscles to relax around your finger and wait until they're ready before inserting it deeper. If they don't like it, pull your finger out gently and slowly.
Once they're used to you being there, try sliding your finger in and out, being guided by them as to how far in and how fast. Also try moving your finger in circles while inside or keeping it deep inside and thrusting from there. You can also try inserting two fingers - try crossing the index and middle fingers to make one big finger and inserting gently.
Most people generally start with anal beads, which are smaller than the anal prober. The trick is to use lots of lube, insert carefully (getting lots of feedback). You can leave them inside while you do other stuff (like intercourse, oral sex or fingering her clitoris) or you can pull them out (slowly or quickly) to stimulate the many nerve endings. Some people do this as they're about to climax, others do it several times in the one session.
The butt plug is usually inserted and left in place, making other foreplay far more intense. It's also great for getting the bottom used to having something inside it, if you're planning on trying anal intercourse. The vibrating butt plug with wired remote can be used the same way - insert it, turn it on and leave while you play about with other bits. Or you can make it the star of the show, by handing the remote over to your partner to tease and please!
The top four anal sex positions:
- Missionary works if the person receiving is on their back, knees pulled to their chest and feet on their partner's shoulders.
- Rear entry is ideal if the receiver lies on their stomach and puts some good, firm pillows underneath their bottom.
- Receiver on top is also a favourite because it puts control with the person who most needs it. They straddle, position their anus above the penis and literally sit on it.
- The classic porn pose - the receiver stands and bends over (usually hanging onto the right height piece of furniture) - works a treat visually.