Are you guilty of the 10 worst sex sins?
We all make mistakes in bed (and if you aren’t making any, you aren’t taking any risks!). Most are forgivable - others not so much. Here’s my his and her’s rundown on those that you really do want to avoid.
HIS WORST MISTAKES
During oral sex:
- Using the tip of a stiff tongue rather the flat of it. First up, your tongue will be knackered out in about five minutes. Second, it feels too hard on her end (especially at the start). Third, if you flatten out your tongue as much as possible, it covers a bigger area and feels deliciously soft and squishy. Wiggle it around a little and she’s nearly there.
- Expecting an orgasm in five minutes. Unless she’s massively turned on, settle in for the long haul. Around 20 minutes is about right. Yes really.
Hand-job sins punishable by death:
- Stopping if she goes suddenly quiet, still and tense. She hasn’t just heard someone downstairs, she’s having an orgasm. Forget the thrashing ‘Yes, yes, yessssssss!’ you see in films, this is what lots of women do when they climax.
- Thinking a hand-job is purely about thrusting your fingers inside her like a pretend penis. Not to say it doesn’t feel nice if you slip your fingers or a vibrator in and out occasionally, just don’t forget to go back to the undisputed star of the orgasm show, the clitoris.
- Showing off by constantly changing techniques won’t score you brownie points but big, ugly black marks – especially if she’s on the verge of climaxing. Try one or two (max three) techniques at the start and settle on whichever she says feels best.
HER WORST MISTAKES
During oral sex:
- Leaving him flapping about at the crucial moment. If you don’t want to swallow, just remove your mouth, keep working with your hand and let him ejaculate somewhere nice (breasts or chest maybe).
- Being squeamish. If you’re worried about smell or taste, have a shower together first and give it a good old wash. Do it sexily and he’ll think it’s all part of foreplay.
- Looking like you’d rather be anywhere else but doing what you’re doing. There is such a thing as a bad BJ: one that’s delivered with zero enthusiasm or barely disguised disgust.
Hand job no-no’s:
- Not customising. The size of his penis dictates the pressure you should use. Generally, use a lighter touch for smaller penises and a good, firm hand for the big boys.
- Not using lube. Saliva is OK, using the little bit of pre-ejaculatory fluid some men leak early on is better but best for a hand-job is always a dollop of lube. Not so much that there’s no friction but enough so it’s a nice, slippery ride.