Anal Sex Prep Guide: Part 2: Fingering and Rimming
Part one in this series talked about how to prepare for anal sex. This blog takes a look at techniques for inserting fingers or tongues (rimming). For simplicity's sake, I've written this from the perspective of the person who's doing it to someone else. I talked about the importance of using a good-quality lube in Part 1, so do make sure you have some handy!
USING YOUR FINGERS
This is often most people's first experience of anal play and it's a useful place to start because you can feel what you're doing.
Some basics before you go there: clean hands and trimmed nails are a must. Remove all rings. Also consider wearing some gloves (latex or non-latex). It not only protects both of you from STIs but some people quite enjoy indulging the 'naughty doctor or gynaecologist' fantasy!
How to start:
Put a pillow under their bottom for easy access and get them to lie on their back as you settle into the sort of foreplay you usually have pre-intercourse, to make sure they’re fully aroused.
Add some lube to your fingers, their bottom (or both) and start by gently circling the opening with the pads of your fingers or tap against the opening. If they start pushing against your hand, they’re ready for penetration (though always ask to be sure).
Start by inserting your finger a tiny way (first knuckle) then hold still. Wait for them to get used to the sensation and for the sphincter muscles to relax.
When they’re ready, insert your finger a little further, then wait. Continue inserting this way until the full length of your finger is buried inside.
Again, wait until you feel the rectum relax against your finger (and the person attached to it!). Then try an experimental, tiny circle against the rectal wall and see how they like it.
If they do, try sliding your finger very gently in and out, asking for feedback on what feels good and what doesn’t.
If they’re enjoying it, you can thrust a little harder, deeper and faster or insert two fingers by crossing them together (before inserting).
Press firmly against the rectal wall with the pads of your fingers or use a stroking motion on to stimulate sensitive areas.
If your lover's male, you can add in a hand-job to produce the most earth-shattering orgasm he's ever had. Anal fingering during oral sex also feels fantastic.
Rimming is anything that involves a mouth and a bottom and anything you fancy doing there (licking, sucking, sticking a stiff tongue inside).
It's a love-hate thing: some people find it unbearably erotic; others a complete turn off. If you're unsure of your partner's preference and don't want to ask outright, lick in that direction during oral sex and see what reaction you get.
If they're not keen, they'll clench their buttocks to stop you going further. If they don't seem perturbed by it or open their legs wider to allow access, it's looking good!
Good positions to do it in:
Any doggie-style position converts well for rimming. They could be on the bed, with pillows under their hips to raise their bottom. Or leaning over the side of the sofa or forward onto a good height bench top.
Or try you lying back on the bed and them lowering themselves onto your mouth.
Top techniques to try:
Start soft. Keep your tongue soft and wet and start with small, gentle licks around the area or try licking in a circle around the edge of the anus.
If they seem to be enjoying it, make your tongue stiff and pointed and then insert inside the anus. You can imitate the motion of intercourse by thrusting in and out.
It's super-sexy if you pull the buttocks wide open to allow you to bury your face inside (though don't do it on the first session if your partner seems nervous).
While you're licking, use your hands elsewhere. On his testicles or penis, on her clitoris or alternate rimming with some spanking.
Is it safe?
As with any anal play, it is a high-risk activity so only do it with someone you know well, who has been tested, and in a monogamous partnership.
Or cut up a condom and lie it over the anus - if you're really keen on rimming, buy some dental dams.
Wash the anal area and rinse your mouth before going there, and swill with a good mouthwash afterwards as well.
Part 3 of the Anal Sex Prep Guide, covering positions and techniques for anal intercourse, comes out at the beginning of September. For Part 1, covering Anatomy, Prep and Protection, check out this advice from the archives.