9 Simple Things You Can Do to Keep Sex Steamy Long-Distance
Whether you live in different places or either of you travels extensively for business (or pleasure solo!), keeping a relationship strong and stimulating long-distance isn’t easy. And then there’s your sex life.
‘What sex life?’ I can hear you groan from here.
Granted, it is pretty difficult keeping things steamy when you’re not even physically in the same place.
But with forethought, a little imagination and a lot of naughtiness, it can be done.
WHILE YOU'RE APART
Keep your libido topped up
Stop having sex and you stop wanting sex. The more you masturbate (with fingers or a vibrator) while your partner's gone, the more you'll feel like sex when you're together.
Regular orgasms also keep your genitals lubricated and elastic - which means you won't get sore, when you're suddenly thrust (literally) into the sex marathon that usually happens when you finally do see each other.
Use erotica to keep masturbation interesting
The better it is, the less frustrated you'll feel that you're missing out on the 'real thing'.
But don't just do online porn, try written erotica as well.
I'm not just talking Fifty Shades - dip into a classic D.H. Lawrence or Anaïs Nin. Others you might like: The Naughty Bits by Jack Murnighan, for the steamiest, scandalous sex scenes from the world's best books. Or Full Frontal Fiction, a collection of short, sassy, modern stories.
My book Dare: What happens when fantasies come true will also get your heart thumping and your bits tingling!
Not just saucy pictures or videos of you doing things (like masturbating with your fingers or a sex toy) but texts saying how attractive you find them, how no one else turns you on the way they do.
It's tough living in a world surrounded by good looking people and knowing your partner's out there too, alone, and possibly tempted.
Saying 'I'm horny as hell' is sexy but also anxiety producing!
Are they going to wait for you or give in and pounce on the first hot person they see?
Saying 'I'm so horny and cannot wait to see that big, gorgeous penis/those amazing breasts' means you're desperate for them - not just anyone.
Shy-style dirty talk
If you want to talk dirty but feel too shy to do it 'live' (as in face-to-face via Skype) write out a sexy scenario (or read out a sexy passage from a saucy book, pretending the character in the story is you) then call when you know they won't pick up and leave it as voicemail.
Score extra points if you send a video of yourself detailing exactly what you intend to do to them the next time you meet, talking sexily to the camera (you don't need to be naked, though it wouldn't be a bad thing if you looked as hot as hell!)
If even that sounds scary, write a sexy email or letter.
Tongue-tied at the office
Call them at work when they can't answer back and tell them - in one or two sentences - exactly what you've been up to that day (that's lying in bed and masturbating over fantasies involving them rather than doing the ironing in your trackpants, by the way).
For example: 'Just thought you'd like to know I'm masturbating right now because I can't wait for the day when you're going to be inside me again', then hang up.
Plan some sex sessions
At the beginning, any sex feels good because you've both been starved of it for so long. But once you've taken the edge off, try new things.
It's true that absence makes the genitals grow fonder.
But if every single time you're together, the sex remains the same, although it might take a little longer you will eventually get to the same yawnsville place as couples who are with each other constantly.
When I say plan a sex session, I just don't just mean circle a 'sex night' on the calendar. It's got to be done with a healthy helping of anticipation or it will work against you. Saying 'we've got to have sex tonight' is about as sexy as 'tonight we're going to clean out the closet'. But if tonight is the night you're going to try doing something naughty, like tying each other up, spanking each other, or visiting a lap-dancing club, suddenly it is exciting.
Planning something new and naughty is erotic.
Adding sex to the 'to-do' list isn't.
Give him a new 'treat' every time he comes home
You can start with some testicle play, for him. Try cradling them both in one hand, then circle the flat palm of the other hand over the surface. Or place your hand, palm up, under his testicles, then, with the other hand, use your thumb and index finger to make a fairly tight ring at the top of the scrotum. His testicles will then rest in your palm, neatly together. (Picture a bag of marbles with a drawstring pulled tight at the top and that's how it would look.) A slight downward tug feels exquisite and also smooths out the crinkly skin, making them nice and smooth to stroke. Alternate the stroking with fondling and massaging.
Show her how much you adore every part of her
If you think she's body confident and you really want to show her how much you've missed every single part of her (but especially that part), pull back the next time you're in the traditional oral sex position (you lying between her legs) and push her legs wide open.
Not so wide she feels like a wishbone about to be snapped but wide enough for her to feel totally exposed. Look down at what's in front of you, ordering her not to move, then start masturbating yourself.
It's very smutty. Very sexy.
Don't miss out
Your lover has arrived - and so has your time of the month. What now? Skip the sheet-mangling messiness of period sex in bed by leaping into the shower for a sensual session with added ablution. An added bonus is the warm running water offers a tummy-soothing massage if Mother Nature's left you feeling less than 100%.