• What's the one simple secret to her having an intercourse orgasm?

    The one simple secret to her intercourse orgasm

    Here it is in one sentence: act like a man.

    In the brilliant book I Love Female Orgasm, author Dorian Solot points out what is blatantly obvious but ignored. That guys don’t lie back waiting hopefully for their partners to give them an orgasm during intercourse, they do whatever it takes to get themselves there.


    They’ll thrust in a certain way, rhythm, angle or speed, do it in their favourite position, make sure they have the right fantasies they need playing in their heads and are looking at what they want to see. “Guys make it clear that they expect to have lots of sexual pleasure, and an orgasm, and they assume the sexual interlude will continue until they do,” Dorian says. It’s up to you to do the same.

    Think about what you need. What position, technique, pressure and pace, what headspace you need to be in, any ‘extras’ (stimulation elsewhere) you need, then go for it!

    Don’t just be active, be proactive. Jump on top, pull out your vibe, put his fingers there, hump part of his body. Think ‘How do I put pressure on the clitoris’ and do whatever it takes to do that.

    Have ‘femoral’ intercourse

    Instead of him penetrating, use his penis as a masturbatory tool. This works best if you’re on top. Put lube on the shaft and wrap your labial lips around him, sliding up and down the shaft, letting it rub against your clitoris.

    A him-on-top version: you keep your legs squeezed tightly shut and he runs his pre-lubed penis between your legs and vaginal lips, grazing the clitoris.

    Remember, there’s no penetration at all in either of these techniques.

    Penetrate in stages and use single thrusts

    US sex therapist Ian Kerner suggests this technique - and it’s highly effective. The idea is to use single, controlled thrusts that allow deep penetration and stimulation of the G-spot and combine it with rubbing against him for that all-important clitoral pressure.

    You jump on top, put just the head of his penis inside you, stop for a few seconds, then in one smooth motion, slide to the bottom of the shaft, staying there for ten seconds while you grind yourself against his pelvic bone while he’s deep inside you. Slowly pull up again, squeezing your kegel muscles around the shaft as you do. Again, stop when it’s just the head of his penis inside you, wait a few seconds and then slide back down and repeat. The trick is to do this really slowly, focusing on squeezing and maintaining control. Go too fast or let him take over and, as Ian says, there will be an orgasm - his.

    Hold his bottom

    When he’s on top, grab his buttocks and pull him close to you, massaging the cheeks so his pelvis grinds into yours providing clitoral pressure.

    Try the top four ‘on the edge’ techniques

    You’ve got much more chance of climaxing with him inside you, if you make sure you’re highly aroused before he penetrates. Try one of four techniques that are all based on this principle.

    First up, get him to penetrate immediately after an orgasm that he’s given you with his hands or mouth. This can sometimes set off another wave of contractions and some women orgasm more easily the second time around.

    The second method is to get him to use his fingers on your clitoris (using lots of lube) and bring you almost to the point of orgasm. He then quickly penetrates and continues using his fingers on you after he has, with only a few seconds break.

    The third technique involves attempting a ‘no hands’ intercourse orgasm. Again, you let him take you almost to the brink, then after he penetrates, move immediately into a girl-friendly thrusting style (rock or roll with full contact of the pelvis) or grind pelvises. (How he thrusts has a lot to do with whether you’ll orgasm. The closer the contact of your pelvises, the more chance you have). If you’re intent on sticking with traditional ‘pump-style’ thrusting, get him to aim for your G-spot and cross your fingers.

    The final fourth technique is the simplest and has the highest success rate: reach into your bedside drawer and get out your vibrator. Either hold a small finger vibe or classic vibe on your clitoris while he’s penetrated, get him to wear a vibrating penis ring or consider a wearable vibe like the butterfly or ‘we-vibe’ that stays on during intercourse.

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