Fast, frenzied sex will do many nice things for your relationship. It reminds you both how much you are attracted to each other on a purely physical basis and it’s unplanned, impulsive sex that keeps the ‘Aren’t we naughty?’ buzz alive.
There is no argument against the fact that quick sex, rather than no sex, keeps you connected as a couple.
Here’s how to make it good sex as well!
Accept responsibility for feeling sexy
Research shows that people who have high libidos think about sex far more often than those with low desire levels and you can teach yourself to be more sexual – and to want sex with your partner more often.
Train your brain to turn yourself on every day, in every situation. Savour tastes on your tongue, and dress in clothes you know you look good in. When you’re chatting to a colleague, focus on their hands and remember what your partner did with theirs last time you had great sex. Read erotic books, hang sexy pictures in your bedroom, check out porn (if that’s your thing).
The more you start thinking about sex, the more you keep thinking about sex.
It’s not your lover’s job to keep you turned on, it’s yours.
During relaxed lovemaking, there’s time for the vagina to lubricate and expand: during quick sex you both need to be ready for immediate action.
Adding lubricant speeds up the female arousal process by instantly providing what her body usually takes a little while to provide naturally. With gentle but slippery hands, you can dive straight for her good bits, and bring her pleasure not pain.
Lubricant also artificially prepares her for quick penetration.
Combine this with immediate, expert stimulation and you can shock her sexual system from ‘Whoa’ to ‘Go’ in under a minute.
Leave tubes of lube in secret hiding places (the side of the sofa, in the bathroom and loo, the glovebox of the car, in the office). You can also buy little sachets of travel-size lubricant to carry with you and use whenever and wherever.
Mix it up
Quickies are brilliant libido boosters but if all you’re having is quick sex, you’re completely missing the point.
A good sex life is balanced and you need a variety of sex sessions to nurture all parts of your emotional and sexual selves – lusty and loving, long and short.
A sensible two-week mix for busy couples is to include four to six low-effort, minutes-long turn-ons, at least four quickies (anywhere from five minutes to fifteen) and at least one session that lasts longer. In total, that’s around an hour and a half each fortnight.
Considering most of us spend around two hours per night parked in front of the telly, that’s a pretty effective use of time, wouldn’t you say?
Stop thinking sex = intercourse
Rethink what you mean by ‘sex’. A quickie means quick sex of any kind, not necessarily intercourse. Think of ‘sex’ as anything that makes you feel sexy – teased as well as totally sated.
Two minutes of oral sex is just long enough to get everything standing to attention… and wanting more, more, more when that mouth is taken away. Teasing each other physically – arousing your sexual systems, then leaving them to simmer – whets the appetite and encourages anticipatory sex. Spontaneity, often lost long-term, gets replaced by something far more delicious: knowing what’s coming and exactly how they’re going to do it.
Seize the moment – and don’t stress
Give up on only having sex when all the circumstances are perfect for it.
Wait until you’re both looking fab and feeling horny, have your best underwear on, you’ve got time, the kids aren’t home, you’ve got hours to spare and all the energy in the world and you’ve got about as much chance of having regular sex as you have suddenly finding your bank balance boosted by a mysterious million or two.
Real life rarely affords the perfect circumstances for sex, you have to take it when and where you can. Quick sex isn’t about comfort, candles and flattering lighting: it’s raw, intense and rough-and-ready. Who cares if the dinner gets burned, you’re five minutes late to the office, neither of you have showered or the kids watched rubbish TV for ten minutes longer than you’d have liked.
Sometimes an over-organised sex session guarantees you a bland, orchestrated one.
Don’t be orgasm-focused
The more quick sex encounters you have, the higher your libido will soar. The more orgasms you have, the more easily orgasmic you will become. Orgasms help develop strong nerve pathways to the source of stimulation in the brain. The better travelled those pathways are, the higher your orgasmic potential, so the more you orgasm, the more easily you’ll have them.
But to expect an orgasm every time you touch or turn on each other is both unrealistic and restrictive. You will have more orgasms by having lots of quick sex but just because neither of you climaxed doesn’t mean it didn’t rate as a hot, sheet-clutching experience.
Having said that, by all means up the odds of having one by shamelessly pressing all your partner’s known triggers and up her chances by choosing clitoris-friendly positions.
Ensuring you or she can stimulate her during penetration helps immeasurably, so does putting her-on-top or having rear entry sex.
Both positions ensure you’re hitting her front vaginal wall, which appears to be responsible for women having ‘no hands’ vaginal orgasms.