Last week, I did an interview with Rhalou Allerhand from netdoctor about women’s orgasms. The issues we touched on are universal and climax problems are something lots of women struggle with. In case you missed the original, here’s a sum up of what I had to say about the great orgasm debate.
Is it common for women to struggle to climax?
It depends on how they’re trying to have an orgasm. If they’re using a vibrator, most women can orgasm in around two to three minutes – almost every time they use it.
The statistics for orgasms during solo sex are high.
Sadly, not so once we’re with our partners. During intercourse – with no clitoral stimulation going on at all – around half of all heterosexual women orgasm sometimes and only 30 per cent orgasm regularly.
Oral sex is way more effective because it’s clitoris focused.
Why is it easier for men than women to reach orgasm?
It’s not easier for men to reach orgasm than women if you include vibrators: in fact, most women can orgasm before a man using that method.
But sex with a partner is different.
Men’s orgasms are (way) more regular with a partner because the act of thrusting during intercourse easily triggers an orgasm by stimulating the highly sensitive head of the penis and the frenulum.
Our most sensitive sexual part – the clitoris – is outside the vagina so penetrative sex provides woefully ineffective stimulation.
Despite this, intercourse remains the main event for most couple’s sex sessions – explaining why people naturally assume it’s easier for men to reach orgasm than women.
Are there different types of female orgasms?
This is still hotly debated. There are many sex researchers who say women only orgasm via direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris (remember the bit you see is only the tip).
But we do know that women can experience orgasm from different types of stimulation – commonly clitoral, the front anterior wall of the vagina (G-spot), the back wall of the vagina and the cervix. Whether that means the orgasm has originated from those areas or the activity somehow indirectly stimulated the erectile tissue of the internal clitoris isn’t clear.
What should I do if I struggle to reach orgasm?
One study showed nearly a quarter of all American women struggled to have an orgasm for at least three months during the previous year.
The first piece of advice is – it happens! Don’t panic. Sometimes, you’ll go through a period where orgasms are elusive: it’s only when you relax about it that they return.
The first step is always to visit your doctor and/or gynaecologist to rule out any physical reasons (like medication, post-birth trauma etc). The next step is to try to orgasm using a vibrator.
If you’re successful, you’re probably struggling to orgasm with a partner because of poor technique or a technique that just doesn’t work for you. (If you’re not, it might be worth seeing a sex therapist to talk through messages you got about sex from your childhood/parents and or any sexual trauma you’ve experienced.)
Teach yourself to orgasm through a partner-friendly method (using your fingers, perhaps) or guide them on what feels good during oral sex. Alternatively, invite your vibrator into bed with you.
Some men are threatened by vibrators but most young men aren’t.