• "We are sex buddies, will our feelings get hurt eventually?"


    I've been sex buddies with a friend of mine for three years now. We're definitely just friends and neither of us want anything more from the relationship. Do you think it's OK to continue it or are our feelings bound to get hurt eventually?


    If neither of you have fallen for each other in three years, it's unlikely to happen unless something changes dramatically. Like one of you finds a girlfriend or boyfriend.

    That's often the rude shock which prompts one (happily, sometimes both) to realise they were more attached than they thought.

    Are you both being truly honest when you say you're just friends with benefits? Most of us have either had or have a sex buddy but they tend to be more the old-faithful who can always be counted on if all else fails for either a good old snog and snuggle or damn good (and often very wicked) sex.

    They tend to be called on late at night when either drunk or mind-bogglingly bored, rather than made a regular date. This sounds like more than that to me. Three years is a long time to share a bed without developing feelings for someone.

    You obviously like each other or you wouldn't be friends. You obviously fancy each other or you wouldn't be having sex. What actually is stopping either of you from taking it further - apart from a fear that the other might not want to?

    If it's a case of keeping it strictly sex buddies because you both think you'll be far more discerning in your choice of a long-term partner, fair enough. But be aware that the chances of both of you finding this new improved model is slim while you continue your arrangement.

    Where's the incentive to get out there and search? You already have a pretty cosy arrangement that seems to suit you both well. We always want what we don't have. We sometimes miss what's right under our noses because we can't see it. Stand back and look objectively.

    The fact you're even asking the question of 'will we get hurt?' hints there's more feeling there than you like to believe.

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