• "Why does my partner make me feel like sex is dirty?"


    My partner makes me feel like sex is dirty because unless we both shower straight before and immediately after sex, he's not interested. I find it insulting but how can I tell him this without causing a row?


    The reason it makes you feel bad is that he's insinuating sex is 'dirty'. I'm not surprised you feel insulted because the scent of someone, particularly when aroused, can be an enormous turn-on.

    The French have a name for the smell of a woman's genitals - cassolette - which means perfume box. Most men like this smell and find it arousing. There's something marvelously primal about having sex when you're not both scrupulously clean - it feels animal and quite frankly, a hell of a lot more passionate than someone insisting you're hospital standard germ-free, stripped of any scent whatsoever!

    Tell your partner you don't want him to shower before sex because you love the natural smell of him. And that you find him washing immediately afterward slightly insulting - as though he's trying to wash you off him. If he reacts badly, ask him outright why he is so frightened of the smell of sex. He probably will take offence initially but will hopefully think about it and may well come around.

    Of course, the other, less savoury reason for his obsession with hygiene is that you don't smell nice. Ensure this isn't the case by showering regularly, using unscented soap, wearing cotton underwear and not overdoing the garlic (your breath isn't the only place it turns up!). That slightly acidic smell is normal, anything else check out with your GP.

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (2)

    • tired bunny: May 06, 2008 11:25
      Maybe you could pursuade him to at least wait for the after glow to subside before he dashes off to the shower!, I like to wash fter sex as it can lead to a slightly fishy smell the next day, for me anyway... but Ive had to get my partnet to apreciate that turning the tv on and ignoring me after sex is upsetting and makes me feel dirty and used. You dont dash off after a meal at a restuarant do you? you eat and then maybe enjoy desert or a coffee, same as sex, the afterglow is your dessert and a fun shower after could be the coffee before you return to bed and cuddle. Sounds like he has issues re sex being dirty, maybe something hes been taught by his parents, maybe question why he feels so strongly about it, you cant stop him washing, i like to be clean before sex but there are more sensitive ways to go about it! Good luck x
    • ben: February 17, 2009 23:35
      hi there!
      im looking for a perfum i can use or a capsuls witch can atact my partner to have sex and make her want it is very hard to get her in that and itried all the ways and many thinks but same result she want to make love but very often and i love her so mutch so i could not leave her or do it with someone else please if you have any thing witch can help
      by the way she does not lie to talk about it or use anything for it

      thank you in advence

    Add a comment
    1. Yes, please! Email me when there are more comments after mine
    2. We need to ask you a question to prove you're a human because evil spam computers keep abusing our form!

    Ask Tracey Cox a sex or relationship question