• Sex Advice: How to get your steamiest sex wish granted

    There's a perception that women react with horror if their partner confesses a dark desire, but in reality it's often men who feel most threatened.

    You asking him to up the erotic ante means you're reversing the traditional sexual roles, which can be emasculating.

    It's a bit like guys boasting about how they'd love it if a girl came up to them in a bar and said, "take me home now" knowing that they would actually run a mile if it happened. Men are traditionally thought of as the sexual predator and instigator of kinky things, not the woman.

    However, it's simply a matter of following some rules and understanding possible qualms about the particular fantasy you hanker after, in order to actually achieve it.

    Here are the basics which you should apply to any situation where you're suggesting something new sexually:

    Make it his idea

    Any good negotiator will tell you someone is far more open to doing something if they think the idea came from them. He's always saying that he'd love to get his boss back? What better way than to be totally disrespectful and have sex on his desk after hours as long as you don't get caught?

    Make it clear you've only ever wanted to do it with him

    His first thought will be, 'has she already done this with someone else?' If you have done it with someone else, tell a white lie and give the impression he's just awakened an incredibly erotic side of you.

    Make it clear you're suggesting it because you trust him

    You know you won't be judged and he's made you feel so good about yourself, you feel you can truly open up and tell him anything.

    Be aware that most men feel threatened by the new breed of sexually confident women

    No matter how liberated he is, you have to remember he is probably pretty horrified at the thought that his penis alone often can't give you an orgasm. Most men will enthusiastically welcome exploring your sexual fantasies once their fears are allayed, but it really is crucial for you to present your proposition tenderly and tactfully rather than assume he's up for anything just because he's a man.

    Tracey Cox Dare - What Happens When Fantasies Come True

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