• "My wife doesn't feel like having sex any more. What can I do?"


    My wife and I have had so many problems with our sex life, I really don't know where to start.

    Sex isn't that enjoyable, she doesn't feel like it much any more - it's become one big mess!

    I don't know what to fix first or where to start to rescue it!


    First up, remove the blame. Instead of thinking of the problems as her fault or your fault, accept that they are problems both of you share. It's a couple problem, so solve it as a couple. Don't generalise.

    If the problem is you want sex more, don't persecute her for being the 'less sexy' partner or let her accuse you of being a 'sex maniac'.

    Once your heads are in the right place and you're ready to solve things together, both make a list of what you think are the main five problems and what you think would fix them.

    Use these as a talking point. In other words, present each other with a solution, not just the problem, and be as specific as possible.

    If she's upset because you're not spending enough time on foreplay, get her to spell out exactly what she'd like more of. Partners aren't mind-readers - just because you love someone doesn't mean you automatically know what to do to turn them on.

    Some other tips: don't avoid sex, keep on having it. Most sex problems turn into long-term dramas when the couple avoid the bedroom and refuse to admit there's a problem.

    Heat up your sex life

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