• "I think my husband is pretending that's he's come when he hasn't. What should I say to him?"


    I think my husband is pretending that's he's come when he hasn't. He makes all the right noises and thrusts wildly but but when I go to the toilet afterward there doesn't appear to be any semen ejaculated.

    I'm confused - why would a man fake it?


    His reasons aren't that different to ours. He's tired, drunk too much, stressed or just not really feeling like it but worries you'll get upset if he doesn't orgasm and take it personally.

    We tend to think men's orgasms are automatic and inevitable - he's supposed to have one every single time or something's really wrong. (We're too fat, he hates our hair, we don't turn him on enough etc etc etc.)

    Next time it happens, say (light-heartedly) "That's weird, there doesn't seem to be any sperm this time. When I'm tired, sex isn't that great and I often have trouble coming. What's it like for men?"

    He may not confess but it gives him a green light to say no to sex in the future or admit, even if he thought it was a good idea at the start, desire can and does wane.

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