"I've been a cross dresser for years. My wife doesn't know - how can I tell her about this?"
I am a cross-dresser and have been doing it privately for years. My wife has never suspected and as much as I'd like to tell her, I've never been game to.
Recently, she found some underwear that I'd bought for myself on the internet in the washing. She's questioned me about it and I think now thinks I'm having an affair.
I don't know what is worse - her thinking I'm having an affair or finding out that I'm a cross-dresser. What should I do?
Cross-dressing - men wanting to wear women's clothes (often underwear) for sexual pleasure - has been around forever but just starting to be talked about because a few 'men's men' confessed to doing it.
75% of cross-dressers are heterosexual and it's only really considered a problem if you can't get aroused without it - or you've told your partner and they can't handle it.
To be honest, I don't know any women who wouldn't be a little perturbed by their husband admitting to nicking her silk knickers and tights. But thinking your husband is having an affair is worse in my books. So I think you should tell her what's going on but be aware, she may react badly to begin with.
You have nothing to be ashamed of but it will come as a shock because no-one talks about it and she will probably instantly jump to the conclusion that you are gay. That's the first reassurance to give her.
If you have any good books about it or literature (there's lots on the net if you google 'cross-dressing', just wade through all the clothing sites and you'll see there are some good psychological articles on it), bring them and give them to her to read so she has instant, non-judgemental information at hand.
Start by telling her the reason why you want her to know and explain why you've previously kept it secret. Expect her to be shocked and be prepared to talk about when it all started and what satisfaction you get from it. Be prepared for anger, lots of questions and give her time to try to understand.