• "My boyfriend wants a threesome with another girl. I'm interested but unsure of the aftermath."


    I'm inexperienced at sex, only two years out of a long marriage and bi-curious. My boyfriend of two months is older, very experienced, confident and has tried swinging and just about everything else.

    He's as keen as me to have a girl-on-girl sex session but he wants it to involve him as well. I know this sounds insecure but I am worried he will fancy her more or she will be more experienced and it will change our relationship and how I see him.

    I'm turned on by the thought of him being involved but unsure of the aftermath. Help!


    I would tread very carefully about putting this fantasy into practice with your boyfriend. Threesomes are up there with everyone's top fantasy turn-on, but in reality tend to go very, very wrong for the very reasons you're suggesting.

    Three is an odd number - one person is invariably left out and that doesn't feel quite so hot. If he starts paying a lot of attention to the girl, it's natural to feel jealous. And yes, it's entirely possible you will worry afterwards whether he enjoyed sex with her more or even wants to see her again.

    Threesomes work best when the people involved aren't emotionally attached to each other. They are incredibly dangerous emotionally for people who are.

    I've seen them break up many a good relationship and you need to be a very confident, secure person to deal with them. You say you aren't very experienced and don't feel confident and already feel on the back foot.

    If you want a girl-on-girl experience, have it solo. That way you can enjoy the experience without worrying about the consequences. If you then want to include him another time, when you have more confidence, do it then.

    If he's as cool about sexual experimentation as you say he is, he will understand. If he doesn't and insists you do it with him, he's out for kicks rather than wanting you to explore new experiences safely.

    Tracey Cox Dare - What Happens When Fantasies Come True

    Comments (10)

    • samuel: May 27, 2009 20:02
      how do I know that my girlfriend is still virgin
    • marie: May 28, 2009 00:06
      so wot if shes a virgin or not y is this important to you???? r u still a virgin???? there are more important things to ask like about sexual diseases or have u got a condom????????????????
    • SS: May 28, 2009 11:17
      Have your session privately and film it. For him it should be about the same if he isn't just trying to get into some other womans knickers.

      If he doesn't find you desirable anymore and is trying to cheat on you acceptably then you have a bigger problem here anyway.

    • marie: May 28, 2009 12:10
      threesomes are great fun but NOT when yr in a relationship the aftermath of a threesome when yr in a relationship is not worth the fun u have i had a threesome on numerous occasions with my best friend and her husband and it was fun until he wanted to leave my best friend and be with me my friend asked me if i ws seeing him behind her back i told her i didnt need to but told her what he was saying she finished our friendship n stayed with her hubby i was gutted and their marriage was doomed cuz then she didnt trust him save threesomes for when yr single.
    • marie: May 28, 2009 12:11
      another thing if yr straight being with another woman without the man just doesnt cut it
    • marie: May 28, 2009 12:13
      or say yes as long as the the third person is another man see how he feels about that!!!!
    • Cyderlover: May 29, 2009 05:49
      Hi make sure you do this first alone with a girl you not just he finds attractive
      make sure he cannot work it to be there this will boost your confidence so when you do the 3some you will be more relaxed
      if he is that experienced and good at it you should feel totally ok with things
      if you don't then he is not taking the time to show you things and learning from your reactions to what he tries with you
      I have had many 3somes,one relationship lasted several months (18) (never been so fit apart from the military basic training I did still couldn't keep up with the 2 of them tho!)
      Just don't do what I did and blow it by doing to one what I couldn't do to the other one blew it big style still hurts years later as one lives local and sometimes see her around not good
      so be careful
      and agree with Marie's last post totally have done that and it made her night
      should go to something like the Sex Maniac's Ball later in the year
      you will have a blast
    • marie: May 29, 2009 17:38
      one more thing if u do decide to do it - in a relationship or when single - its meant 2 be fun not a competition dont stress bout whos gettin the most attention U have 2 make sure that u are in the middle of the action whether givin or receivin and if u doin it 2 please yr man so what if 1 or the other ov u gets more attention its bout makin his fantasy come true ENJOY x x x x
    • rachel: May 30, 2009 21:08
      i think threesomes are about fun. When you and your partner decide to have a threesome you should be prepared and responisble enough to except the aftermath and the consciences. As tracey said it can go all pearshaped and ruin a perfectly happy relationship. Advice - do it when your single to rule out any pain and heartache that might ruin a connection you had as when you are single there are no strings so your emotions aren't involved.
    • rachel: May 30, 2009 21:11
      if you are not gay i suggest you do not engage in sexual activity with another woman as it can confuse yourself and your relationship. if you want to then be confident enough to deal with it and if he is laid back enough to handle it then do what you feel like !

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