"STIs scare the hell out of me. How can I give a guy oral sex safely?"
I've just come out of a nine year relationship and looking forward to having sex again. Sexual health is obviously a concern with new partners and STIs scare the hell out of me. How can I give a guy oral sex safely?
Condoms must take away the excitement and pleasure and even if used, how can you use your mouth on the testicles safely? If I want to receive oral sex surely it's a bit of a double standard to ask a man to put a condom before I go down on him but I get to enjoy oral sex in its natural state?
First up, well done for wanting to have safe sex and not making the usual mistake of only thinking this means pulling on a condom for intercourse. You are dead right that you can catch lots of STIs from giving oral sex.
Sadly, the only way to truly protect yourself during it, is to get him to wear a condom. True, they're not the biggest turn on in the world but they are a necessary evil at the start. As for his testicles, you're right again (clever girl!) that you can pick up an STI by licking or kissing them (genital herpes for instance).
The way around that one is to use simple old cling film from your kitchen and cover the area using that. Use your hands to hold it in place. As for him giving you oral sex. If he wants to protect himself, you need to be 'covered' as well. (So no double standard!) You can buy 'dental dams' online (large squares of latex) or again, use cling wrap to cover your genitals.
Now I'm not going to lie to you that lots of guys will find such scrupulous safe sex methods unusual. The majority observe the 'condom for penetration' rule and ignore the rest. I say good for you for being diligent and any guy who's really into you, will agree.
What I would suggest is that when you meet someone you'd like to stay with and be monogamous with, both get a full STI check and, if you both come up with a clean bill of health, enjoy sex au naturale.
Make a pact that if you do give into temptation and have sex with other people, you'll practice safe sex with them. Yes, there is a risk he may do this and not tell you but it's about as close to risk free as you're going to get when dealing with fallible humans!