• "My wife had triplets six months ago and is now ready for sex - but I'm not. What can I do?"


    My partner and I had triplet boys 6 months ago and, as you can guess, have been too busy for much sex since! My partner is now demanding sex while I feel too tired and a little freaked out.

    A little voice in my head puts me off given that our planned two children has now become five! I intend to have a vasectomy within the next year, but don't think it’s good to rush into it just to get my libido back.

    My wife is naturally more body conscious than usual at the moment and I don't want to keep saying no for fear of hurting her. But I do feel kind of stuck!


    The thing I found most intriguing about your question is this: why isn’t the lure of having regular sex again enough incentive for you to get your vasectomy now? If you’re worried it’s going to hurt or somehow interfere with future enjoyment of sex, don’t be.

    A vasectomy will not affect your sex drive, ejaculation or anything else other than stop your wife falling pregnant again. Was sex good before the birth of the boys? If it was, I’m surprised you’re not rushing back. If it wasn’t, think about why it wasn’t and what could be done together to improve it.

    Five children is one helluva handful but your wife, usually the prime caregiver, has found time and her libido to want sex again. But you haven’t. Again, think about why. If the reason is honestly absolute panic at not wanting more children, get the vasectomy pronto or use condoms with the emergency morning after pill as backup if the condom splits.

    You’re right about worrying your wife will take this personally if you say no for much longer: she will. You sound like you love her and your family, open up to her about why you’re nervous about sleeping with her again and approach this together.

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