• "I'm a virgin and my friends think a vibrator could help loosen me up. What do you think?'


    I am the only virgin in my group of friends. We are all in our 20s. I guess I just haven't found the right guy yet but I don't want to be unprepared when I do.

    My friends suggested getting a vibrator to loosen me up for when that time comes. What do you think?


    I think the best way to prepare for your first time is by educating yourself about your body rather than ‘loosening up’. First, check to see if you have a hymen. It’s a thin membrane that stretches across the vaginal opening. Get a mirror and have a look and feel with your finger.

    I very much doubt it’s still there because tampons, exercise and perhaps masturbating with your fingers usually gets rid of it very early on. Assuming it’s not there, insert one or two fingers inside (use lube if you feel dry) and see how tight you feel. If you can feel your fingers but it’s not uncomfortably tight, you certainly don’t need ‘loosening up’. (Being too tight, by the way, is rarely something men complain about!).

    Once the physical stuff is out of the way, I’d consider buying a few good books about sex so you know what you’re in for. My book Hot Sex has a guide to losing it for the first time and covers pretty much all you need to know to enjoy a lifetime of good sex. A few quick pointers for D-day: have lots of foreplay to ensure you’re fully aroused, definitely use lubricant and bear down (push out) with your vaginal muscles as he penetrates.

    Get him to penetrate a little at a time, and stop in between so you can allow yourself to relax around him. Don’t expect to orgasm the first time around (or, sadly, the next and next and next time, since only about 20 to 30% of women actually climax purely through penetration!). Most women rely on oral sex or him using his fingers to orgasm, so don’t be disappointed if you’re the same!

    Heat up your sex life

    Comments (2)

    • Angela: December 08, 2009 04:01
      I am a virgin and currently use clitoral vibrators. But can virgins use vibrators vaginally-even if the hymen breaks?
    • LoveHoney - Carly: December 08, 2009 11:00
      Hi Angela,

      The myth that "you're not a virgin if your hymen is broken" is exactly that - a myth.

      To 'lose your virginity' you would need to have penetrative sex with a person of your choice. Many people break their hymen through vigorous sports, masturbation or through using tampons. This doesn't mean they've lost their virginity, it just means their hymen has broken.

      Virgins are as welcome to use vibrators internally as non-virgins are, it doesn't make a difference to your sexual status - only to your pleasure levels! And vibrators are a great way to explore what you like, so when you do find someone you trust enough to have sex with - you'll enjoy the experience.
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