• "After finally giving in to having sex with my new boyfriend, he didn't come! Why is this?"


    After finally giving in to having sex with my new boyfriend, he didn’t come! I feel quite insulted that he didn’t have an orgasm. Why would this be?


    Should he be insulted that you didn’t either? I’m not psychic, it’s just that very, very few women have an orgasm via intercourse the first time they have sex with a new partner. (Lots don’t have an orgasm the other 10,000 times either, but that’s another story.) I know, I know, it’s much easier for him to climax than you so it’s different.

    But the reason behind him not coming is the same reason you didn’t: the pressure is on and you’re both out to impress. Penises don’t like pressure. They respond by either refusing to come out to play at all (his worst nightmare), playing for approximately one minute (his second worst) or refusing to stop (yours).

    Not being able to climax at all is often the result of him trying desperately to avoid premature ejaculation. The other common reason is drinking. I’ll lay bets you were both a bit tiddly when it happened. Alcohol relaxes inhibitions but it desensitizes us, deadening our feelings.

    Add to the equation that some men always take ages to orgasm – always have, always will and wouldn’t even get a move on during a supermodel sex sandwich – and you’ll start to see why you shouldn’t be insulted. I know why your ego is dented (he’s supposed to be so overcome with lust at finally being allowed to go there, it’s a compliment if he prematurely ejaculates) but it really doesn’t necessarily mean he was disappointed. Honest.

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    Comments (2)

    • Claire: December 15, 2009 07:22
      I'm sorry but your comment of 'giving in to having sex' is part of the problem.
      You should want to have sex, not 'give in'.

      Men can be more perceptive than we give them credit for.

    • becks: December 15, 2009 13:07
      Well i have to say that when my partner and I had sex for the first time (and indeed everytime afterwards) there was no "give in" from either of us ... still different folks will react to nerves differently, though i would suggest a little enthusiasm goes a long way for guys to a) be hard and b) come ;)

      my guy lasts for ages, which i like, but some playful and enthusiastic oral and dirty talk can soon change things a bit ...

      men get as nervous as we do, more so in some cases ... have been talking to a guy on another forum who is desperately nervous about his first time with his current GF ...

      i advised him to take the pressure off himself and his GF by not focusing so much on the orgasm so much as both of them having fun ... might be something you and your guy can try?


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