• "My sister is going out with a new guy who I find attractive. If they split is it OK to date him?"


    I’m in a really difficult situation and not sure what to do to handle it. My sister is going out with a new guy who I find really attractive. I think the feeling is mutual because he flirts outrageously with me when she’s not around.

    I obviously wouldn’t act on anything while he’s with my sister but I don’t actually think she’s that into him and they might end up splitting. If they did, is it OK to date him then?


    The answer to that is a very tentative ‘possibly yes’ but only if your assumption is right that she was never that interested in the first place. Even so, you expressing interest will set off alarm bells for her and she’ll wonder if anything went on while she was dating him.

    So, that’s the first thing you need to dispel if you do want to take it further: that nothing – not even a snog – happened while they were together. (And make sure this remains the case, too!) With all these situations, you need to work out what you will do if she forbids you dating him beforehand.

    If you think you’re going to go for it anyway, present it as ‘I’m not asking your permission but would like you to know I’m dating your ex’, rather than ‘If you don’t want me to, I won’t go there’. Quite frankly, if you just fancy him and think it’s just going to be a fun fling, I wouldn’t go there.

    Men come and go, sisters are there for life and her feelings are ultimately more important. He’d want to be extra-special. It goes without saying that if he leaves her heartbroken, it’s an absolute no-no.

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    Comments (2)

    • lesley: March 27, 2010 08:56
      I agree with what Tracey says. Personally i couldn't do it, if he's flirting with his girlfriends sister, behind her back, he's possibly interested in more than one relationship at a time.. Gross, and i'm definitly not a prude.
    • becks: March 29, 2010 17:25
      oh dangerous situation.
      Whilst of course if both you and he fall head over heels for each other it would be difficult to say no any other scenario indicates that saying 'no' is best for all of you in the long term.

      There are unwritten 'dating rules' and in all honesty this comes under the 'not usually' catagory, it's messy and oftne leads only to hurt ... one thing if it is a'keeper relationship' but not if its anything less.

      Also if it could be a keeper relationship then waiting a good while before going there increases the likelyhood of a healthy outcome for all of you.

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