"I love my boyfriend but he's hopeless in bed. Should I see if it gets better or move on?"
I love the man I’ve been seeing for past eight months but he’s absolutely hopeless in bed. I love sex and it’s really important to me that it’s satisfying and rewarding.
How can you tell if the sex is going to get better or if it’s a lost cause and I need to move on.
Some scenarios are fixable. Technique can be taught if you’re willing to school him in what you like, where and when. Ignorance about sex in general and a lack of understanding of how your sexual systems work is solved by buying him some sex books as a present.
Harder but also possible to change are things like reshaping someone’s attitude to sex. If he’s been brought up to believe sex is ‘bad’ or ‘dirty’ – and it happens to men as well as women - he may need counselling to reshape deeply ingrained beliefs – but it can still be done.
Even dramatically different sex drives can be balanced if you’re willing to compromise. It’s not such good news if you don’t think he’s a good lover because there’s no spark or fireworks (if it’s not there in the beginning, it’s unusual for chemistry to kick in later on).
But the only thing which is truly impossible is transforming a selfish, brutish lover into a good or even acceptable one. These people will fight you, kicking and screaming every step of the way. So if you (poor you!) have ended up with someone like this, I strongly suggest you extradite yourself from the situation ASAP.
If your partner is well intentioned, just not terribly good at sex, stay.